Ask Meredith!

Time for me to give more shitty advice!

 

Q: I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost two years now. She truly is awesome. She’s funny, pretty, and I know has my back through anything and everything. And of course I am totally in love with her. As awesome as she is I have been super tempted to cheat on her. I have two girls right now that are just waiting for a text from me. I really want to but at the same time am very hesitant because I know if she were to find out what I did it would absolutely devastate her. I don’t know if I should go through with this or not. I know losing her in the long run definitely isn’t worth it but I miss sleeping with random chicks and not having to deal with all the things that come with being in a relationship.

A: If you love your girlfriend and don’t want to lose her, don’t cheat on her. It’s not fucking rocket science. If you want to fuck other girls, break up with your girlfriend. But don’t be surprised if you find yourself missing her and she doesn’t take you back. Pretty simple if you ask me, keep your dick in your pants if you want to keep your girlfriend.

 

Q: I know you always say you don’t want unsolicited dick pics, but I know sometimes girls ask to see it. When would you want to get one and how should a guy send one?

A: This is a good question. I can’t speak for all women, but I do think that I can for the majority when I say that you should never send a dick pic unless a woman asks you to. For example, if I’m sexting or flirting with a guy and he tells me he’s turned on I might ask him to show me–acceptable time for a dick pic. Or if I’m interested in sleeping with a guy I might ask to see what he’s working with. Another scenario is if I’m exchanging sexy pics with a guy and he sends me a full body pic where is dick is exposed–that would be fine. As for tips on your dick pic–include your body in the pic. Just a dick is aggressive. Don’t make it zoomed in too close, and if you take it from the bottom up that’s a tell-tale sign you’re trying to make it look bigger. Also, let’s start being honest about what 8 inches is, okay fellas?

 

Q: What does it take to get a date with you?

A: This is a common question in my DMs. If it’s just a date we’re talking about, be attractive, between the ages of 27-45, have a decent job, and be a non-smoker. The smell of cigarette smoke makes me want to throw up and second-hand smoke makes me cough (on account of the asthma). Weed smoke doesn’t bother me though. Make me laugh and have the ability to make me cum. If you’re asking me out, dinner/drinks/whatever we’re doing is on you my man. Also, I’m 32, not 21, so put in some effort with where you decide to take me. That doesn’t mean it has to be expensive, but make it worth it for me to go out with you. Also be geographically desirable, I’m not traveling more than like 30 minutes to go on a first date. I think that sums it up pretty well!

 

Q: What is too small for you when it comes to dick size?

A: My preferred range is 7-8.5 inches, however I’ve had perfectly good sex with someone in the 6 inch range. Under 5 and you better have a strong head game my friend.

 

Q: I really want to blow my boyfriend’s mind with a great blowjob. I think I’m okay at it, and I usually make him cum unless it’s foreplay before sex, but I want him to be super impressed. Any tips?

A: The biggest keys with giving blowjobs are to pay attention to your man’s responses to whatever you’re doing, and to enjoy it. Notice when his breathing changes or intensifies–he likes what you’re doing. Spit on it. Don’t be afraid to get messy and use a lot of spit, guys like a messy blowjob. Also get your hands in on the action, using a slightly circular motion on the base of his dick while you use your mouth so it’s kind of like your hand is an extension of your mouth. Keeping a steady rhythm once you can tell he’s getting close will make him cum—don’t change your rhythm up too much (unless he’s into edging and you want to prolong the process—that’s another topic). If you’re able to deep throat that’s a fun thing to do while you’re building him up. If he enjoys face-fucking you then being able to deep throat is a must. Relax your throat and breath through your nose. A good finishing move when he cums is licking his dick hole—the tip and hole are super sensitive so definitely give that area some good attention. Most of all, have fun! You’re always likely to be better at something you’re having fun doing, and he will notice that you’re having a good time and enjoy it more. And don’t forget, spitters are quitters (unless he prefers a facial or something). Good luck!

 

That’s it for this week! If you’ve got burning questions for me use the contact submission form or email me at meredith@meredithactually.com!

Xoxo,

Meredith

Ryan

Dating apps can be a real bitch sometimes. You match with someone and then they don’t respond to your message. You match with a guy and he says he’s only in town for that day and you’ve already got plans. You match with someone, talk for a few days, and then it fizzles out. Or you can match with someone just visiting the day they’re leaving town, have a great conversation and get totally bummed that you’ll probably never meet each other.

Probably being the key word here.

Ryan and I matched on Tinder back when I lived in Austin. He didn’t have much information in his bio, but he was cute with brown hair, blue eyes, and an infectious smile. When he messaged me it was basically to say “Oh noooooo! I’m leaving town today and you’re really cute!” As it turned out, Ryan was just in Austin for a few weeks working at a summer camp he volunteered at every summer for underprivileged youth (swoon). He was originally from Scottsdale, Arizona, and went to college in San Diego, where he was headed post-Austin on his 3 month break from teaching English at a school in Colombia. Yeah, as in the country. This cute, sweet Jewish boy from Arizona was fluent in Spanish and lived in South America.

 

Well fuck.

 

The conversation with Ryan was as easy as if I’d known him my entire life, and he seemed to be one of the kindest, most genuinely good people I’d ever spoken to. He played in a band in Colombia, wanted to go back to school for music therapy, and didn’t seem to have a negative bone in his body. We began texting every day, moving into phone calls, and then FaceTiming. Ryan was spending some time in San Diego visiting college friends, and then back to Scottsdale for a few weeks to see his mom before returning to Colombia, and it became more and more frustrating knowing that we would never meet each other. That didn’t stop us from talking constantly and getting to know each other more and more though. There was definitely a connection there, something worth exploring, but to what extent?

One night as Ryan and I were texting about his move back to Colombia, I couldn’t help but feel sad about it. It was like as long as he was on the same continent I had some sort of chance to see him, but once he went back to Colombia it was all over. It’s a weird feeling, missing someone you’ve never actually met. And then I got this insane idea.

What if I went to Arizona before he left?

I was traveling quite a bit for work leading up to this point and had bunch of airline miles to use, and I’d also accrued quite a few hotel points, so I thought why not? If things went south I had a friend who lived in Phoenix so I wouldn’t be all alone, and if things went great then cool, we’ll have a good time. So I pitched it to Ryan, and after we both got over the fact that me getting on a fucking plane for a Tinder date is absurd, we both decided that we’d regret it if we didn’t. We looked at our calendars and figured out the weekend before he was going back to Colombia and I booked my flights.

Holy fuck. I’m going to fly from Austin to Phoenix for a weekend trip with a guy I have never met in real life.

As we began to plan our weekend, Ryan suggested driving up to Flagstaff and spending the weekend there, so I booked a room there. I was beyond excited for the trip. I had no concept of where things in Arizona were at the time as I’d only briefly been to Phoenix once on a business trip, so I pulled up Flagstaff on Google maps and realized the Grand Canyon wasn’t far from there. I excitedly brought it up to Ryan and he said he was game to make a day trip of it. How many people can say they went on a first Tinder date to the Grand Canyon??

As the weekend got closer, I realized I should probably tell someone where I’m going. I made up a story to tell my mom about going on a team building trip for work, but then I decided it was smart to tell my best friend Rachann the truth, just in case.

“Jesus Christ, Meredith, well when you wind up having a Dateline episode about you being thrown into the Grand Canyon never to be seen again I’ll be sure to say nice things about you.”

Ryan and I had added each other on Facebook at this point and I gave all of his contact information to Rachann. She is basically like having a private investigator for a friend, so he was properly vetted and deemed safe, and before I knew it I was on my way to Arizona.

I nervously had a few drinks on the plane and kept in touch with Ryan about my ETA. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest as I landed and began to walk through the airport to meet him. I told him where I was as I walked outside and he pulled up almost right away. He got out of the car and it was like the entire world stopped. I was moving in slow motion as I walked toward him. We were both smiling like idiots and Ryan was obviously as nervous as I was. We hugged and he helped me with my bag and we hopped in the car. It was totally surreal finally seeing him in person and sitting next to him in the car. Once the initial shock wore off it was like we’d known each other for years. We talked and laughed and had a great car ride up to Flagstaff, where we checked into our hotel and figured out our dinner plans.

Once we got to our hotel room, Ryan kissed me. He was a great kisser, very soft and sweet, and before I knew it he had me laying on the hotel bed and working his way down my body kissing me everywhere until he was face down between my legs. Everything about him going down on me and then having sex with me was sensual and romantic. He was definitely a pleaser and a lover, and I couldn’t wait for the rest of the weekend with him. The sex was nice. Nothing super wild, no crazy positions, but the kind of sex where you felt safe and cared for and he made sure I came a couple of times. Wild animal sex is fun and all, but sometimes the slow sweet stuff is all you need.

That night we just got dinner at the hotel, had sex again, and crashed out so we could get up early for our day at the Grand Canyon. Ryan sweetly woke me up in the morning by going down on me, which, let’s face it, is the only acceptable way to wake a woman up before 8 am as far as I’m concerned. After properly sexing each other up that morning we got breakfast and were off to the Grand Canyon. The drive there took maybe an hour or so and like a sickeningly sweet couple from a Rom Com we held hands in the car and sang along loudly to the radio. I almost gross myself out thinking about it, but I was seriously on cloud 9. It was a little chilly and overcast that day, with a slight chance of rain in the afternoon, but I couldn’t have been more excited. Once we parked, we walked into the park and then there it was.

If you’ve never been to the Grand Canyon, my description and pictures you see online cannot do it justice. It is truly unbelievable and breathtaking, and the fact that I had the most amazing company only made the experience more incredible. We walked along the trail and I couldn’t stop taking pictures. It finally began to rain a little so most people went inside the gift shop, but we stayed outside and just the hoods of our rain jackets up. We realized that we were all alone there at the Grand Canyon, in the rain, and we started making out. We were so lost in the moment that we didn’t even realize when the rain let up and that people had come back outside for a few minutes, but when we did we looked back out at the canyon and saw clouds filling in below us and a rainbow shoot across the sky seeming to come out of the canyon itself. It was like something from a movie.

We were ready to head back and get it on, all horned up from the rainy makeout session, so we made our way back to Flagstaff to shower and bang again before heading out for the night. We found a cool little brewery that also had a pizza food trailer there, which are two of my favorite things in life, and had a few drinks before Ryan took me up to this lookout point up on the side of a mountain in Flagstaff. I don’t know if it was the couple of beers we’d had, the fact that we were still reeling from the day, or the little bit of weed we smoked, but I’d never had a more intense makeout session in forever it seemed. There was just some chemical connection we had and we knew it was time to go back to the hotel for another night of intense, romantic sex. Eye contact, hands in the hair, slow grinding, passionate sex for what seemed like hours.

Sunday morning we lazily got up and got ready to check out of the hotel. We wanted another early start so we could spend the day in Sedona before my flight home that night, and the feeling of sadness that the weekend was almost over started to creep in. After having sex one last time we checked out of the hotel and began our trip to Sedona. We were stupid and cheesy again, holding hands in the car, and not saying a word but not needing to. We were so weirdly connected. We arrived in Sedona and did some hiking and once again, it was incredibly beautiful. I really had no idea before this trip that Arizona had that much more to offer than the desert, and I was pretty impressed. We stayed in Sedona as long as we could, enjoying each other’s company, until finally it was time to head back to Phoenix.

On the car ride to Phoenix I received a text notification that my flight was delayed an hour, so we stopped at a bar near the airport. We were so happy to get another hour together, and then I got another notification, 30 more minutes delayed. Then another, 30 more minutes. First time I’d ever been thrilled to have a flight delayed multiple times. Finally the notifications stopped and this time it was real, I had to go to the airport. We didn’t say a word in the car, but this time it wasn’t because of the high on life, heart-eye emoji feelings, it was because we were both so sad for the weekend to be ending. Neither of us expected it to be this way. We both just thought we’d have a fun weekend and that was it. Once at the airport we hugged and kissed one last time and I could feel my face getting hot and my eyes welling up with tears. Ryan told me we’d see each other again someday, and thanked me for an amazing weekend, and I walked into the airport. The tears started to spill down my face as I went through security and I just kept my head down and was on my way to my gate. Once I boarded the plane I grabbed a window seat, which I never do, I’m an aisle seat kind of girl, and put my headphones in. I rested my head against the wall of the plane and slept through the flight (another thing I never do). I let Ryan know I’d landed, went home and immediately downed a glass of wine and crashed out.

Ryan left for Colombia a couple days later. We kept in touch via social media and I even considered coming to visit him there. But time went on and we both lived our lives and the contact became more sporadic and we moved on. I hear from Ryan from time to time, I think he has a girlfriend now and seems to be doing well and really happy. What started as just looking for a good time and a little fling turned into meeting someone who will always hold an important place in my cold, icy heart, and I’m so grateful for the time we spent together.

Hoe Tip: sometimes the risk is totally worth the reward.

Ask Meredith!

Back with a Q&A for y’all!

 

Q:  I am dating a girl that I met a little over 5 months ago when I was on a business trip. Trouble is, she lives in Canada. And the longer our relationship goes on, the more difficult our relationship becomes. As if being in a long distance relationship weren’t enough, I’m in the Navy. Which brings an entirely new set of difficulties. We get along great and when we’re together, everything is perfect. When we’re apart, especially for more than a couple of weeks, she starts to get crazy. Like, gets mad at me for nothing (I’m pretty sure she has multiple personalities). I’m getting ready to transfer and we’re considering her moving with me. We’re only going to be able to live together for about 3-4 months before we literally have a life changing decision to make. We either have to get engaged and start the process of her becoming an American citizen, or she has to go back to Canada for another 120 days. I’ve been married twice now and I really am hesitant to make it a third time, especially if I feel like it’s something I have to do. It really is the only way for our relationship to continue though and I don’t know if I’m making the right decision. I hate breaking hearts, but I also hate wasting my time on love. What should I do?

A: To be honest, there seem to be way more cons to this situation than pros. This is an easy one to me, break up. It really doesn’t seem worth it and nobody should get married out of obligation. If at some point when you’re out of the Navy things have a way to work out without you basically being forced to marry her, then great, but at this point it seems like a whole lot more trouble than it’s worth.

 

Q:  So I have a few women I sleep with on a regular basis. I’m not in a relationship with any of them but that doesnt mean that I wouldn’t consider it with them. I asked one, the one I feel I’m closest to since we’ve been friends for a couple of years, if she thought this was going anywhere. Her response kinda floored me, she said that she thought it was pretty clear that it was implied that it was just about the sex.

Not to go too in-depth, but my size is quite large in the girth department. It’s just slightly smaller than a beer can. So I’ve had women in the past who sleep with me for the novelty of that and because of *other* talents. I get that, and obviously at the time I was okay with it so I can’t complain, but that was college and right after. I’m years past that life and at the point where partying every weekend doesnt take priority anymore.   Though after subtle questions and talking to some of the others I found out that they all have basically the same sentiment. They don’t want to be with me on any other level. So I’m conflicted on where to go next, I don’t want to cut them off because some are friends, one is even in my main group of friends and we’ve been hiding our actions from the rest. But I want something more and I’m starting to feel like I’m an object to them. Do you think it’s best to end it with them and deal with the possible fallout? I feel like I won’t be able to find what I’m looking for if I have other women hitting me up on a regular basis, but I’m still worried about losing these people outside of the bedroom.
A: I don’t really see any need to cut off casual sexual partners unless you actually find someone you want to date. You can slowly distance yourself sexually from them, but it doesn’t make any sense to give up your sex life because you would like to find someone to date. That said, be honest with your friends. Let them know you’re looking for something a little more serious so that they are aware that you are seeking out other women. I have men that I sleep with regularly, but if someone else came along that I was interested in actually dating I would have no problem telling them that I would like to see where things go with someone so I think it would be best if we didn’t sleep together anymore. At the end of the day, you don’t have to have sex with someone if you don’t want to, and your sex life as a single guy should not have any bearing on a potential dating relationship with someone new.
Q: I had a really good friends with benefits going, we were SO sexually compatible, he made me cum like 15 times in 6 rounds of sex. I’ve never met someone who I’ve been this sexually compatible with, but we were also pretty good friends. And so we had it going for like 3 months and then all of a sudden communication on his side just abruptly ended. Every time I reached out, I got nothing back and eventually called him out on it to which he said he was just grumpy for a couple of weeks and we could still meet up in the summer. I told him I needed the communication in this fwb to keep the trust going, no feelings involved I just need to trust the other person.

But since that last discussion (Early April) there’s been no communication either way. I really just need some good dick but I’m having a hard time swallowing my pride and messaging him again to see if he wants to. Do you think it’s worth messaging again or should I just cut my losses?

A: To be honest, it sounds like he’s fucking someone else and doesn’t want to tell you. And even if he isn’t, communication is very important with any kind of sexual partner, so I would cut my losses and move on to some new dick if I were you. His behavior is rude and you shouldn’t be stifling yourself sexually just because he doesn’t want to man up and tell you what his deal is.
Q: I had this tinder date at my place, he was super hot. We kissed and talked and had dinner, and at some point I asked him what he was thinking of. He answered that he didn’t think we should sleep together because he really likes me. That kinda weirded me out, but I was pleased at the same time. And then again we were chilling and he says “I wanna fuck you so bad but that would downplay this night.” So he said he would have seen me again even if we’d slept together, I said I didn’t believe that, and he said “you should but I will see you again.” Well did a little stalking and found out he has a girlfriend in LA. Texted him that he’s a shitty person, he agreed and apologized. But now, should I tell her?
A: BLOW. UP. HIS. SPOT. I am a firm believer in exposing a cheater. I recently had a situation in which I was dating a man and found out that he was married, so I told his wife when I found out. I have been cheated on and I would like to have been told when it first happened rather than it continue on with me looking stupid. Tell the girlfriend, be sure to keep screenshots of conversations with the guy in the event that she doesn’t believe you or tries to blame you. I don’t support liars or cheaters, expose his ass.
Q: This isn’t like a sex question or anything, but how do you get your skin so clear and even?? What kind of skincare routine do you have? I feel like everything I try works for a little while and then my skin gets broken out again. Any tips?
A: First, thank you! So one thing that makes a really big difference, which I’m sure the majority of women reading this are not going to want to hear, is that I don’t wear makeup. Aside from my musical theatre days, I have never really worn foundation or anything. Sometimes for a special occasion, but even then the extent of my makeup is maybe a little concealer under my eyes or if I have a blemish or something, and then eye makeup (eyeliner and mascara). So my pores stay pretty clear all the time. I use a Burt’s Bees moisturizer with SPF, and I mix coconut oil with brown sugar for an exfoliant. Wipe off the excess with a warm washcloth and massage the rest into your skin. Oil cleansing sounds counter-intuitive but one huge reason people break out is because washing with a soap strips the skin of its natural oils, forcing you to over-produce to make up for it and that clogs your pores. I rarely use an actual soap on my face, and when I do I prefer something as natural as possible like Burt’s Bees. Otherwise I just use a makeup wipe for my eyes and rarely actually wash my face (if you wear makeup then obviously you want to remove your makeup daily). I always wear a hat when I’m in the sun too to keep it off my face, and I drink a lot of water. I’m also part Native American, so genetically I’ve got a little bit of an edge there, but letting your skin breathe is huge! My skin has never looked better than when I stopped using chemicals and started oil cleansing.
That’s all for this week, remember you can send me all your questions in the contact submission form on my page or at meredith@meredithactually.com!
Xoxo,
Meredith

 

Charlie

After taking a little hiatus from my dating app life, I thought I should get back on there and see what I’d been missing out on. Swiping left and swiping right here and there one Tuesday morning, with nothing major catching my eye, I came across Charlie. Ohhh I could already tell I liked Charlie. He had sandy blonde hair that was a perfect mess and beautiful blue grey eyes and a smile that I knew would get me in trouble. I’ve always loved trouble. His profile read like something out of my dreams: a writer, loved dogs, clearly sapiosexual, and a Scorpio (my weakness). I swiped right immediately and crossed my fingers that we’d match. My day went on and as I was winding down with answering emails my phone lit up with a Bumble notification stating that I had a new connection.

 

It was Charlie.

 

I messaged him immediately, trying to seem cool and intellectual but really I was so thirsty I couldn’t contain myself. We messaged back and forth a bit and it became clear that Charlie and I were absolutely on the same wavelength. He had been a writer for a popular CW show and was now in the world of acting and freelance, and as we began talking about our writing endeavors it became clear we were basically the same person. We made plans to get drinks that Friday night, unless either of us became free earlier in the week. Not but an hour later my Wednesday night plans cancelled, his night became free, and we made plans to meet at a cute wine bar called Terroni on Beverly.

 

I hadn’t been this excited about a date in a while. I was staying at my friend Jessica’s place for a little while as I was in the process of moving, and I excitedly got ready while filling her in on every detail of the conversations that Charlie and I had. She helped me to make sure I had just the right amount of tits showing and I was on my way to the wine bar. Charlie was there before me at the end of the bar. Jesus Christ he was so cute. I smiled my best smile and he greeted me with a hug and we sat down. I slid my bar stool a little closer to him and I ordered a glass of wine. Right away, the conversation was amazing. No awkward pauses, we covered everything from past loves, to sex, to professional aspirations. The man sitting next to us had ordered an entire pizza and offered us each a slice. Charlie, a glass of sparkling rose, and a slice of pizza–that was basically my version of heaven right then. As the evening went on we became more affectionate toward each other, a hand on the arm, moving closer to one another, and finally it was closing time. It was early, so we decided to move to another bar nearby. As we walked down the sidewalk Charlie asked if he could kiss me. Obviously, I smiled and said yes.

 

It was like fucking fireworks. Completely electric.

 

I could have kissed Charlie all night. We made our way to the next bar for one last drink before calling it a night. Charlie drove me home to Jessica’s and gave me one more amazing, perfect kiss before we said goodnight. I couldn’t wait to see him again. I dozed off that night with a shit eating grin on my face. The next morning I woke up to a text from Charlie that said “I promise I brushed my teeth, but I can still taste you.” Well goddamn, Charlie, way to make a girl’s knees buckle. This guy was intensely swoon-worthy, and I started to think uh oh. What am I gonna do? I knew that at this point in time I was not emotionally available for a relationship, and I knew that he wasn’t either, but the chemistry and connection were totally undeniable. This wouldn’t be just sex or something casual. But since I don’t know how to listen to my brain, I invited Charlie to a comedy show where my friends would be that night, and he accepted.

 

Charlie offered to pick me up, which in the days of taking an uber or lyft everywhere we go and the total informal dating landscape we’re in, I found to be so charming and sweet. I was on the other side of town so I declined, but he met me at the show, greeted me with one of those signature kisses, and I introduced him to some of my friends. We had a great time laughing and flirting, and my friends all seemed to like him. When the show was over we stepped outside for a minute and Charlie came in for the kiss again. I don’t know where the hell that man learned to kiss, but he could teach a fucking master class. After he kissed me he whispered into my ear “I’ve been thinking about licking your pussy all day.”

 

OK TIME TO GO.

 

We said bye to my friends, Charlie opened the car door for me and we were off to his place in Hollywood. As we entered his apartment, he grabbed us each a glass of water and we went into his room. Standing, he began to kiss me. Slowly, but deliberately. He led me toward the bed and I sat down. He got down on his knees and began to unzip my boots and slipped them off my feet. He slowly ran his hands up my inner thighs, pushing my dress up slightly to reveal that I wasn’t wearing any panties. A smile spread across his face and he said “you’re such a good girl” as he pushed me back further onto the bed. The man had hardly even touched me and it was like a waterfall between my legs. I didn’t think I could be any more turned on, when he began lightly kissing my inner thighs and just barely grazing across my south mouth, teasing me for what seemed like an eternity. He locked eyes with me and went for it. Holyyyyyyyy fuck. I think I came in record time and it seemed like I couldn’t stop. It was fucking amazing. Yet another thing Charlie needed to teach a master class on, eating pussy. The orgasm went on and on and he just kept going. He then pushed the rest of my dress up and pulled it off over my head, held his body over mine and just barely touched his lips to mine and said “such a good girl” before kissing me deeply again. He’d pulled his shirt off at some point, clearly I was having too much of a good time to notice when, but his body was sexy and lean and I ran my fingers down his chest and abs as he slipped off his pants and boxer briefs. He pulled me up onto my knees and ran his hands over my entire body, and marveled over my tits.

 

“I’m not even a tits man, but goddamn yours are amazing.”

 

Listen up guys, complimenting a woman like that while she’s naked and vulnerable is a sure-fire way to get some excellent sex. I began kissing his chest and worked my way down to his dick which was fully hard already. He had a great dick, not too big, not too small, like literally perfect sized. I began going down on him and he let out a moan of satisfaction. After a minute or two he grabbed me and pulled me back up to kiss him and I looked him in the eyes and said “fuck me.”

 

And Charlie did just that. He grabbed a condom, threw me down on the bed, and fucked me stupid. Hands in my hair, telling me what a good girl I was every time I came, bending me over and slapping my ass. At one point when he had me bent over he leaned in and whispered in my ear “I think you like being fucked like a bad girl don’t you?” GOOD LORD CHARLIE YES I DO. Charlie pulled my hair with just the exact right amount of force that I like, made me cum again, flipped me back over onto my back, kissed me deeply then pulled his head back and came, hard.

 

Sweaty, exhausted, and ultimately satisfied, we decided to hop into the shower together to rinse off. It wasn’t even sexual in the shower, just nice, intimate, and relaxing. We both got out, dried off and went to lay back in his bed. Charlie played with my hair a little bit, we talked about what we each had going on that weekend and following week, kissed a little, and then it was time for me to go because we both had early mornings. We both had busy weekends and I was going out-of-town the following week so we weren’t sure when we’d be able to see each other again, but we knew we had to because the chemistry was unreal.

 

Unfortunately, that was kind of the problem too.

 

Charlie and I texted throughout the following week, and I began to think, oh no, I like this boy FAR too much for what I’m ready for right now. But I’m not one to let something like that slip away, so I planned to see him again anyway. I was already crazy about him. I couldn’t get him off my mind, which scared me a little, but I didn’t care. And even worse, I knew he wasn’t emotionally available either, but like the idiot I am, I persisted, with the hope that maybe he’d become available but knowing full well that’s not how that works and that I’d probably get hurt. But sometimes the high is worth the comedown. At least that’s what I tell myself when I do molly.

 

Hoe tip: without the lows, the highs aren’t nearly as fun. Embrace them.

 

I’d been partying out-of-town all weekend and I knew Charlie had stuff going on, so I didn’t worry too much when he didn’t respond to my last text right away, but then he finally responded that following Monday.

 

“Hey sorry for the delayed response. Crazy couple days. This is going to sound crazy coming from this hypersexual straight guy, but would you mind if we just be friends? It’s insane that I am saying that, and I hardly believe it myself, but I’ve been having anxiety issues for the first time ever in my life and I think it’s healthiest for me not to complicate my friendships with sex. At least right now and until I get my head on straight. It’s all me, you’re incredibly sexy, I had an incredible time being naked with you and I enjoy your company too much to not at least be friends. I just have to leave my dick out of the equation for a minute for the sake of my mental health.”

 

Ugh. Dammit Charlie. I couldn’t be mad at him, because I completely understood and have been there before. And I knew damn well going in that he wasn’t emotionally available, just as I wasn’t really. I thought maybe he felt the same way that I did and knew he was not in the right place mentally for that. Or maybe I was reading too much into it and am a total narcissist for thinking that way. But whatever the reason, Charlie and I would just have to be friends. At least for a while. Charlie and I are still friends, and I know that I could talk to him about anything, without fear of judgement and I know he’d give me truthful, honest feedback too. I even asked him if I could write about him, and he said to go for it. Maybe one day Charlie and I can be more than friends. Or maybe we can be friends with benefits. Or something. Who knows. At the end of the day I’m so glad I met Charlie. Not just because the sex was some of the best I’ve ever had in my life, but because he taught me about self-preservation in a way that I’ve always been pretty irresponsible about. I respect that about him a lot. So thank you, Charlie, you’re one of my favorites.

 

Ask Meredith!

Here’s this week’s Q&A!

 

Q: I’ve been seeing this girl for a couple of months now and I would say it’s getting to the point where it is serious, and because of certain hints dropped in conversation I’m beginning to worry that we don’t see eye to eye on important subjects. How does one broach the hot button issues that would absolutely be an issue? Is it best to just rip off the band-aid and ask, or wait until their opinions fully surface through natural conversation?

A: Take it from me, the last thing you want to do is be a couple of years down the road and more emotionally invested and then realize something is a total deal breaker. Rip off the band-aid. And be prepared to hear things you don’t want to hear. And be open to compromise on things as well. But be clear about your position and be respectful if she disagrees. It may suck to have to end something prematurely, but not as badly as ending a long-term relationship.

 

Q:  I have several issues that I’m having trouble resolving.
1. My wife left me because she admitted she didn’t love me. This has shattered my confidence.
2. I’m not an attractive man, looks wise, as hard as I try to be. I do what I can with what I have.
3. I suffer from severe approach anxiety where I have panic attacks if I try to go up to a girl I’m interested in and talk to her.
I feel like this is a formula for being single for life and I’m only 34. I don’t know what to do.

A: First I’m really sorry to hear about that. It’s always hard when someone we love leaves us, and we’re often left with major feelings of inadequacy. I know, I’ve been there. Work on that positive self talk. What are you good at? What areas of your life do you excel in? Channel that into other areas of your life. And also really stop and decide if you’re ready to date right now. It’s OKAY to take some time to yourself not to date and to work on yourself personally. When you’re ready to get back out there, keep it simple. Less is more when approaching a woman, give a small compliment and ask how she’s doing. Something I’ve learned over the years about confidence is sometimes you just have to fake it until it feels genuine. Good luck!

 

Q:  Hi Meredith! So, I just started seeing this guy. We’ll call him Q. We’ve been seeing each other for about a month and a half now. Nothing crazy, but this is the point in the “relationship” where I’m ready to know wtf is going on between us so I know if I’m wasting time or not. That being said, Q has mentioned before that he believes we’re “exclusive” but then a day later made a comment about how we’re just friends. He’s constantly making plans for us for when we’re both off work as if we’re dating, so I would like to believe that we are more than just FWB, especially because we don’t always have sex when we stay with each other. We’ve obviously had somewhat of the “what are we” convo, but there wasn’t any clarification from him. Should I try to have the conversation again and try to get a better understanding or should I just give up and stop letting him give me the run around?

A: I think it would be worth having the conversation again. If you’re becoming emotionally invested and he has alluded to being “exclusive” then you’re entitled to know where you’re going romantically. If he continues to give you the run around it would probably be best to cut things off for your sanity. I’ve been in a “relationship” like that and it ended with him getting a girlfriend behind my back and leaving me heartbroken. It’s unfair to string anyone along emotionally. Be direct in your questions so that he can’t skirt around the answer.

 

Q: Do guys ever turn you down? And if so, how do you handle it? I’m new to the dating game after getting out of a 7 year relationship and I’m really nervous about putting myself out there and potentially getting turned down. Any advice?

A: First of all, having a positive attitude is where it’s at! Don’t go in with the mentality that you might get turned down. Because guess what? You will. People can sense negativity and will gravitate away from it. Secondly, we all get turned down. You can’t take it personally. Everyone has their own personal preferences and we are all unattractive to someone. As someone with a background in sales I can tell you that with every no you become closer to a yes. It’s a numbers game. So brush it off and move on to the next one. Don’t let it shake your confidence! Take time to be confident in being alone as well, don’t lapse into a codependent behavior by jumping into another relationship right away.

 

Q: My boyfriend has recently been hinting at wanting to have a threesome with another woman, and I’m not really sure how I feel about it. I’ve never had one before or ever been with a girl, so I’m kind of nervous about that part. I really but I kind of feel like this is a way of him telling me that I’m not satisfying him in the bedroom. Should I be worried? Or should I relax and do it for him?

A: Talk to him. Express your concerns.  Communication is so important when it comes to anything in a relationship, especially when it comes to sexual exploration. There are a lot of variables here. How has your sex life been otherwise? Are there any other issues in the relationship? If things are going well and he is suggesting this, maybe he is just wanting to live out a fantasy. I know plenty of couples who have incorporated threesomes into their relationships and it’s enhanced their sex lives. That said I know plenty where it’s gone the other direction. If you voice your concerns and he is reassuring and understanding then I would take some more time to think about whether or not you really want to do it. If he is defensive at all, that’s a red flag. At the end of the day, your sex life is YOUR choice, and you do not have to do anything you are uncomfortable doing, no matter the reason.

 

That’s all for this week y’all, keep your questions coming! Fill out the contact submission form or email me at meredith@meredithactually.com!

Xoxo,

Meredith

Jeff

Not all men teach us a lesson when they’re done with us. Some are just fun for a while and then we move on with a few fond memories and another story to tell. Some teach us about ourselves, some teach us about trust and honesty, and some teach us about sex. But then there are those that so many women meet that teach us something much scarier. They teach us about trusting our instincts and about the danger of overly charming men. They teach us to question ourselves, to second guess every action, and to protect our sexual freedom. I went over 30 years of my life without ever encountering one of these men, until I met Jeff.

Jeff pursued me on instagram after following me and liking my posts for months. He was cute, light brown hair and dark eyes, a few years younger than I was but talked like a man who knew what he was doing. He lived in Aguora Hills or Thousand Oaks or somewhere way up in the valley that I was too lazy to drive to, so I didn’t really know if we’d ever wind up meeting. I liked talking to Jeff; we would talk about the thirsty guys in the comments on my instagram posts, my hilarious date stories, his date stories, and everything in between. We developed a comfortable and flirtatious friendship via text message, which I resisted even engaging in for at least a couple of weeks. It’s not so much that I play hard to get, but I’m a naturally guarded person and when I start to develop some sort of friendship (or more) with someone I truly take my time in making sure I want to give them access to my life. I like to think I’m a good judge of character, but when a guy is as charming and attractive as Jeff was, even I let my guard down.

After a month or so of talking and flirting, I finally agreed to hang out with Jeff. I very rarely would allow a man I’d never met to come to my place, but I felt comfortable with him and I have a taser. We’d had conversations about how men who message me are always expecting something, and I even told him about a time when a guy I met up with got a little too handsy and he acted appalled that someone would behave that way. He seemed to understand where I was coming from, even talked about how he had sisters and how he was very protective of them. I felt comfortable inviting him over because I thought I knew him at this point. I mean, come on, a guy with sisters he’s close to should be pretty safe, right? I was very clear with Jeff that even though I was letting him come over I was not guaranteeing anything physical with him and not to expect sex or anything. I know what kind of image I put out there, and as much as I love sex, I also still feel the need to make it clear that I don’t owe anyone sex. No one does. He said he understood and he was looking forward to getting to know me.

Yeah, sure he was.

Jeff showed up and was hotter in person. At least a foot taller than I was, a gorgeous smile and a typical southern California boy tan. He greeted me with a hug and I poured us each a glass of wine and we talked for a few minutes in my kitchen. He was so cute. I liked the way he looked at me and the way he smirked when he talked. I was still in the process of moving into my place so my living and dining area was completely empty, no furniture yet, and my roommate was asleep so I suggested that we hang out in my bedroom, the only room with furniture at the moment. He sat on the end of my bed and I walked around it and sat on the far corner of it from him. We sipped our wine, talked and joked for a little while and I was genuinely having a good time. That

didn’t last long though. We talked for maybe 5 minutes more before Jeff lunged forward and his tongue was down my throat. It kind of blindsided me and I pulled back and asked him to slow down. I’d never really experienced this before. Why wasn’t I into this? He was hot, I liked him, but for some reason I was suddenly uneasy and turned off. He slowed down and kissed me more gently then we started talking again…for a little while. I barely made it through one glass of wine before he was all over me, on top of me. I did not want this. I resisted for a bit, asking him to stop and slow down a couple of times before I just kind of said whatever and began unenthusiastically kissing him back. Why did I give in? I have never had a problem pulling away or not kissing back when I wasn’t interested. So why did I just let him kiss me? I wasn’t enjoying any of this. I’m always the first woman to tell others that you can say no, that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. But here I was just giving in. I guess I felt like I owed him for driving all the way to Culver City to see me, or something. Maybe I felt obligated to at least kiss him because after all, I’d flirted with him, I’d invited him over. Everything in me knows that I did not owe him even the privilege of touching me, but for whatever reason, whatever deep, ingrained insecurity about feeling obligated to a man I apparently had, I passively kissed back. Maybe I thought that if I started kissing back I would begin to enjoy it and it would be okay. Maybe I thought he would be less aggressive if he knew I was into it. Or the thought I’m most ashamed of having: maybe he would like me more.

Things progressed to where Jeff was aggressively taking off my clothes. His hands seemed to be everywhere, and before I knew it I was completely naked, vulnerable, and he slipped his fingers inside of me. Too rough. Now, I’m not a prude or some kind of pussy, and I enjoy some moderately rough sex, but I didn’t enjoy this. Sex is supposed to be fun for everyone involved. I was not having fun. He then grabbed me by the hair with one hand and pulled me onto all fours. He slapped my ass so hard it made my eyes water as he pulled his dick out and basically shoved it in my mouth. I jerked my head back and told him to stop and that he was being too rough. He laughed, called me a slut, and said he knew I liked it.

But I didn’t like it. I didn’t want this.

I tried to pull back a few more times and told him to stop again. But he wasn’t stopping. He never let go of my hair and continued to slap my ass and sometimes my face, much harder than I ever wanted. I wanted to stop. I said stop. But he was twice my size and I thought if I just let him finish then it’ll be over. So I just let him fuck my face until he was done. I just wanted it to be over.

When Jeff finished he laughed, tossed my clothes at me, pulled his pants back on and said “I’m getting outta here.” I was shaking. I had never felt this way in my life. A combination of scared, angry, traumatized, and violated. I felt out of my body. You know when you have a dream that you’re throwing a punch or something but you’re moving in slow motion? I don’t even know how I got from naked, on my bed, to dressed and right in front of him, but it was as if my body finally allowed me to react, to fight back, and I felt my face get hot and I tried to slap him. He blocked my swing, and then acted like I was the crazy one and actually told me I should never hit someone. Like are you fucking kidding me?? You just basically raped my face bro, and you have

the audacity to tell me not to take a swing at you? Get the fuck out of here.

I told Jeff to get out and never to contact me again. I blocked him on everything, but not before sending him a lengthy text message letting him know that what he did to me was sexual assault and that I told him to stop. I don’t know if he even gives a shit or ever thinks about it. I’m sure I’m not the only girl he’s done something similar to, and he probably doesn’t think he’s ever done anything wrong. I cried myself to sleep that night. The next night too. My scalp was sore from how hard he pulled my hair and my ass was slightly bruised from how hard he slapped it. Everything hurt.

As time went by after my night with Jeff I started to think, was it my fault? I invited him over, I continued to kiss him, and ultimately I stopped fighting back. So did I have it coming? Did I deserve what happened because of our flirtatious conversations or the way I present myself sexually? Am I to blame for what happened? We are taught as little girls that when a boy is mean to you, pulls your hair on the playground, that means he likes you and that we should be flattered. When that boy pushes you down and kisses you, you are supposed to be thrilled. I never thought about the absurdity of that until I thought about the fact that I kissed Jeff back even though I didn’t want to. We literally teach little girls that abuse is a sign of affection. How fucking insane is that? As a 32-year-old woman with sexual confidence and a good head on her shoulders, that way of thinking was still in my head. I don’t have a daughter, and I doubt if I ever will, but if I do I will never EVER allow her to believe or accept that bullshit.

Hoe tip: Hoes can say no, too.

I have always been a woman who advocates for other women. I firmly believe that your sexuality does not make you any more or less of a person. No one should ever be made to feel ashamed of enjoying sex. Just because I enjoy sex does not mean I owe it to every guy who wants it. I should not have to hide who I am. I do not owe anyone anything. This is my body and I can do whatever I want with it. I deserve just as much respect as anyone else does, sex is my choice. It should have been my choice that night with Jeff, but he took that choice away from me.

I never heard from Jeff again and I don’t really think about him much or what he did to me. But what I do think about is how unfair it is that I spent so much time thinking I deserved what happened. I asked him to stop. I didn’t want to perform oral sex on him. I didn’t want to be slapped so hard I had marks on my ass for days. I didn’t want my hair pulled so hard my scalp was sore the next day. And I certainly did not deserve to get my face fucked when I told him to stop. I enjoy sex. I enjoy rough sex sometimes too. But on my terms, and with my consent. As women, we shouldn’t have to hide our sexuality or feel like we owe a man sex for any reason other than because we want to have sex with him. And in that same way, men shouldn’t feel that they owe a woman sex for any other reason either. Sex isn’t a form of currency. It should be fun for everyone involved. And after that night with Jeff, I promised myself that I’d never let anyone make me feel differently.

According to U.S. Rape Response Services, one in five women have been the victim of attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. One in two women have experienced or will experience some form of sexual violence other than rape in their lifetime. I’m part of that statistic now. Think about your friends, your family. Your best friends, your sisters, cousins, aunts. Not one single one of them deserved it. Sex is a choice, and everyone has the right to say no. I never reported Jeff to the police. I felt like it would just victimize me all over again, and at the end of the day it was a he-said she-said and likely nothing would happen. I knew I would be blamed for it and that he would argue that it was consensual. So many women never report their sexual assaults for the same reason. They get dragged through the mud and made to feel that they are to blame. I don’t know if that’s going to change, but I sure hope it does. Instead of teaching women they should censor themselves and be less sexual beings, how about we teach men to respect consent? While we’re out here being diligent and teaching women how to prevent rape, how about we spend time teaching men just not to rape?

I hope you read this, Jeff, and I hope you realize what you did and hope that next time a woman asks you to stop, you fucking listen.

*Name and locations have been changed for privacy reasons as no formal charges were filed*

Ask Meredith!

Here’s this week’s Q&A!

 

Q: I’ve been married for a fucking long time now. In fact, next summer is our 15th anniversary, 13 of which we’ve been legally obliged to one another. Kids n’ all. Don’t know if it was the youths insecurity or what, but I’ve tried it all with my hubby. Every position, every mainstream kinky stuff and some of the hardcore stuff.
From the beginning he was very keen to have butt sex and tried we did. After two weeks of dating that was and guess it was such a superior ass that he insisted on having more. And more. And more.
….And more. After fifteen years, he still fantasies, and proposes anal. And I give it to him plenty. Almost weekly. It’s always somewhat pleasurable for me also but man, I wish I could fuck a guy who is all about pussy. I go down on him regularly, few times a week, he rarely returns the favor. I’d ride him with vag-massage ’till dawn and he talks dirty, butt talk, how much he likes my ass and would like to nut in it. Usually I take my pleasure and let him have his in my ass.
I exercise and am super tight inside. Had some insecurities in that department once so got a regime and now I can pretty much suck and massage with my vajayjay. He enjoys it alright, but it’s always second best. He just prefers anal.
Tried to talk it out with him but am now fantasising of a real pussy eater, who’d fuck me senseless and enjoy it for what it is, and not expecting anal at the end.
Should I try and get some or stay faithful to my butt-fixated man?

A: Kudos to you for still being adventurous after being together for so long! This is a tough call because it’s great that you still have a very active sex life and I think many couples who have been together for as long as you have can’t say the same. I think another conversation is warranted. I do not advocate cheating on your partner. But he needs to understand that he is not fulfilling your needs sexually and that these are your fantasies. I don’t like to use sex as a bargaining chip, but maybe be less accommodating. Show him the same courtesy that he is showing you and perhaps he’ll start to get it. Keep the lines of communication open and be clear to him about what you want. Good luck!

 

Q: Hi. I really think im undersized because I have a skinny dick. It’s maybe 7 inches but its like two fingers thick only. Girls keep telling me its big enough when I’m asking and they seem to enjoy it, but it still kinda bothers me that the internet said it’s thin. Idk only one girl I stay close with said if I’m feeling uncomfortable I should thicken up my dick with a surgery.. what should I do?

A: We all have things we’re self-conscious about physically speaking. I’m not a doctor or anything, but I’m not really sure I’d trust some dick surgery for that. If you’re having good sex and girls are enjoying it, then don’t worry. Men with all different penis sizes are able to please women in a variety of ways, be adventurous. Also, if you haven’t already, learn to eat pussy. 7 inches is above average, length-wise by the way.

 

Q:  So my one roommate habitually cheats on his gf, and turned her against me and my other roommate (there’s 3 of us). She’s super hot, super nice, and doesn’t deserve it. What should we do? We can’t tell her b/c we have to live with the guy, but at the same time he’s turned her against us (assumably to protect himself incase we tell her). Things have gotten so bad none of us will be home when they are there (he’s a real fuck). What would you do?

A: Roommate situations like that are never easy. As shitty as it is, it’s not really your business to tell her or to get involved in their relationship. If she was your friend separately from him, that would be one thing, but unfortunately if you’re just a bystander it’s probably best to stay out of it. Things like that have a way of working themselves out, he’s going to get caught at some point.  As far as your living situation goes, it’s your home too. Act like they’re not even there and go about your business. And if the tension continues be clear with your roommate that what he’s doing is shitty and that it’s not cool to make being at home uncomfortable for you two since you are paying rent too. I hope your lease is up soon and you can move on from living with the guy though, he sounds like a douche.

 

Q: I’m having a difficult time with leaving emotions at the door when it comes to sex? Whats your best advice for removing the emotions from sex when it’s all someone knows? That may be tough to answer but I’ve been through enough BS and heartbreak that I’m tired of the toll it takes on me emotionally. I’m in uncharted waters, please help.

A: Making the conscious decision not to get feelings involved in a sexual relationship is a lot more difficult for some people than others. If you’ve always had an emotional connection to the person you’re having sex with, it will be difficult to have sex with someone who is just a casual parter with no strings. I’m not one that struggles with that, so my advice may be easier said than done, but try to separate the act of sex from dating and relationships. Seek out sexual partners that are open to casual sex and not interested in a romantic relationship. Be clear up front about those kinds of expectations and then you’re less likely to get too involved and hurt.

 

Q: What are some tips for going down on a girl?

A: Every woman is different in what they like and how they are shaped in the vag area. So it’s very important to be attentive and intuitive. Teasing the inner thighs and very lightly across the lips is a great way to build up the anticipation and turn a woman on immensely. Pay attention to how she responds to certain kinds of touch and in what areas. Find the clitoris. *A little louder for the people in the back* FIND THE CLITORIS. That’s how you’re gonna make her cum from oral. Don’t get too aggressive on it right out the gates, personally I prefer lighter touch as I’m very sensitive. Starting out lighter and slower is a good way to gauge what she likes, increasing in intensity to her liking. Pay attention to her breathing and physical responses and listen to her. Also, use your fingers internally to massage the g spot. This combo is like dynamite. Use a combination of licking and sucking on the clit as well, and when she cums don’t stop until she tells you to.

 

That’s all for today, send me your questions via the contact page here or via email at meredith@meredithactually.com!

 

Xoxo,

Meredith