Ask Meredith!

I’m bringing this back for 2018! This week I’ll only be answering one of your reader emails, but in the future I’ll pick my 5 best questions of the week and answer them here. Your identity is kept anonymous and I hope my advice helps you guys out!

 

Q:  I love the hell out of my wife, and we have amazing sex…but I have 3 things where I’d like some improvement.

1- How do I convince her to swallow?  
She’s amazing at BJ’s, but she won’t even let me cum in her mouth.  She’s done it once or twice when I don’t let on that I’m close to orgasm, but she says the texture is disgusting to her.  She says the texture on her tongue is nasty.  She’s warned me to always tell her when I’m close, that she doesn’t like the surprise.  Truthfully, I don’t care if she swallows.  I just want to cum inside her mouth.
2- How do I convince her to start some ass play?  
She likes pressure against her asshole when we are fucking.  I just need to know how to get her started in letting me get a digit or the tip of my dick in her ass (by the way I’m just average sized).  What’s the best way to gradually, smoothly break her into this?
3- How do I convince her to wear lingerie?
I know she is self-conscious about her body, but I tell her all the time how much I love her body and when she dresses slutty.  She also says she doesn’t like to make a “big production” out of sex.  I love the fun and anticipation though.  I’ve bought her items in the past that she thought were too small on her…which made her upset.  Any ideas on how to approach this?
A: It’s normal to want to explore new things in your sex life when in a long-term relationship or marriage. And it’s really easy to fall into a routine when it comes to sex as you become more and more comfortable with your partner.
1- Personally, I don’t really get the texture issue (and I’m VERY particular about textures when it comes to food) because semen is really no different of a texture than a milkshake or thin smoothie. I CAN understand the taste being an issue, because sometimes it just does NOT taste good. This one will probably be tricky, and at the end of the day if it’s just something she is not comfortable doing, then that’s just how it’s going to be. Tell her that you love the way she gives you head and how great it feels and how it would mean a lot to you if sometimes you could finish the full experience in her mouth. Have a drink ready for her to chase it with quickly so the semen doesn’t spend much time in her mouth. If she is just completely averse to it, then leave it at that and don’t push her, maybe revisit on your birthday. Be understanding and okay with it if she says no.
2- Often times women (and men) are wary of ass play simply because it still seems a little taboo to them. If she enjoys the pressure during sex, get some good lube (Gun Oil brand is the best for anal/ass play) and start very slowly with just the tip of your pinky. Go slow. Starting with baby steps is the best way to build up to doing full on anal. Play the long game on this one, don’t try to do too much too fast, and focus on her pleasure. Knowing she is enjoying herself will make it better for you too.
3- I can totally relate to the way your wife feels about her body and lingerie. I am not a lingerie girl, I literally own like one matching set and I never wear panties so I always feel really self-conscious and weird wearing lingerie. This is another one of those conversations where you have to compliment her and let her know how sexy you find her and how much it would mean to you for her to dress up every once in a while. Men—I can not stress this enough—unless you know your partner’s EXACT sizes, don’t buy the lingerie for her, let her pick it out. It’s happened to me a few times too where a man thinks he’s doing something fun by picking out lingerie for me to wear and then I go to put it on and it’s like 2 sizes too small. Which, bless your heart for thinking I’m a size medium in panties, but it can be really humiliating and make a woman feel awful about her body. Pick it out with her. Or let her know some things that you like, hand her some cash and tell her to go pick something out to surprise you with. That way she has control and gets to choose something that she likes on her body, and it’s a total surprise for you. If she feels good and confident in it, that’ll make it even more fun for both of you.
Send me more questions y’all! About sex, dating, life, literally anything that you think I could give you some good insight on. I love talking to you guys and I really enjoy being at least somewhat helpful. Fill out my contact submission form or email me at meredith@meredithactually.com.
Have a great weekend y’all!!
Xoxo,
Meredith

Ask Meredith!

Here’s this week’s Q&A!

 

Q: I’ve been seeing this girl for a couple of months now and I would say it’s getting to the point where it is serious, and because of certain hints dropped in conversation I’m beginning to worry that we don’t see eye to eye on important subjects. How does one broach the hot button issues that would absolutely be an issue? Is it best to just rip off the band-aid and ask, or wait until their opinions fully surface through natural conversation?

A: Take it from me, the last thing you want to do is be a couple of years down the road and more emotionally invested and then realize something is a total deal breaker. Rip off the band-aid. And be prepared to hear things you don’t want to hear. And be open to compromise on things as well. But be clear about your position and be respectful if she disagrees. It may suck to have to end something prematurely, but not as badly as ending a long-term relationship.

 

Q:  I have several issues that I’m having trouble resolving.
1. My wife left me because she admitted she didn’t love me. This has shattered my confidence.
2. I’m not an attractive man, looks wise, as hard as I try to be. I do what I can with what I have.
3. I suffer from severe approach anxiety where I have panic attacks if I try to go up to a girl I’m interested in and talk to her.
I feel like this is a formula for being single for life and I’m only 34. I don’t know what to do.

A: First I’m really sorry to hear about that. It’s always hard when someone we love leaves us, and we’re often left with major feelings of inadequacy. I know, I’ve been there. Work on that positive self talk. What are you good at? What areas of your life do you excel in? Channel that into other areas of your life. And also really stop and decide if you’re ready to date right now. It’s OKAY to take some time to yourself not to date and to work on yourself personally. When you’re ready to get back out there, keep it simple. Less is more when approaching a woman, give a small compliment and ask how she’s doing. Something I’ve learned over the years about confidence is sometimes you just have to fake it until it feels genuine. Good luck!

 

Q:  Hi Meredith! So, I just started seeing this guy. We’ll call him Q. We’ve been seeing each other for about a month and a half now. Nothing crazy, but this is the point in the “relationship” where I’m ready to know wtf is going on between us so I know if I’m wasting time or not. That being said, Q has mentioned before that he believes we’re “exclusive” but then a day later made a comment about how we’re just friends. He’s constantly making plans for us for when we’re both off work as if we’re dating, so I would like to believe that we are more than just FWB, especially because we don’t always have sex when we stay with each other. We’ve obviously had somewhat of the “what are we” convo, but there wasn’t any clarification from him. Should I try to have the conversation again and try to get a better understanding or should I just give up and stop letting him give me the run around?

A: I think it would be worth having the conversation again. If you’re becoming emotionally invested and he has alluded to being “exclusive” then you’re entitled to know where you’re going romantically. If he continues to give you the run around it would probably be best to cut things off for your sanity. I’ve been in a “relationship” like that and it ended with him getting a girlfriend behind my back and leaving me heartbroken. It’s unfair to string anyone along emotionally. Be direct in your questions so that he can’t skirt around the answer.

 

Q: Do guys ever turn you down? And if so, how do you handle it? I’m new to the dating game after getting out of a 7 year relationship and I’m really nervous about putting myself out there and potentially getting turned down. Any advice?

A: First of all, having a positive attitude is where it’s at! Don’t go in with the mentality that you might get turned down. Because guess what? You will. People can sense negativity and will gravitate away from it. Secondly, we all get turned down. You can’t take it personally. Everyone has their own personal preferences and we are all unattractive to someone. As someone with a background in sales I can tell you that with every no you become closer to a yes. It’s a numbers game. So brush it off and move on to the next one. Don’t let it shake your confidence! Take time to be confident in being alone as well, don’t lapse into a codependent behavior by jumping into another relationship right away.

 

Q: My boyfriend has recently been hinting at wanting to have a threesome with another woman, and I’m not really sure how I feel about it. I’ve never had one before or ever been with a girl, so I’m kind of nervous about that part. I really but I kind of feel like this is a way of him telling me that I’m not satisfying him in the bedroom. Should I be worried? Or should I relax and do it for him?

A: Talk to him. Express your concerns.  Communication is so important when it comes to anything in a relationship, especially when it comes to sexual exploration. There are a lot of variables here. How has your sex life been otherwise? Are there any other issues in the relationship? If things are going well and he is suggesting this, maybe he is just wanting to live out a fantasy. I know plenty of couples who have incorporated threesomes into their relationships and it’s enhanced their sex lives. That said I know plenty where it’s gone the other direction. If you voice your concerns and he is reassuring and understanding then I would take some more time to think about whether or not you really want to do it. If he is defensive at all, that’s a red flag. At the end of the day, your sex life is YOUR choice, and you do not have to do anything you are uncomfortable doing, no matter the reason.

 

That’s all for this week y’all, keep your questions coming! Fill out the contact submission form or email me at meredith@meredithactually.com!

Xoxo,

Meredith

Pete

Let me just start by saying Pete is a categorically unsexy name, so when he messaged me on snapchat I wasn’t exactly optimistic that he would be hot. I have never been more happy to be wrong in my life. Pete snapped a few pictures of himself to me and I was almost positive he was fake–that’s how hot he was. He said he’d seen me on bumble and wanted to know more and I was happy to tell him anything he wanted to know. Here’s the thing about dating in Los Angeles: people are hot. Beautiful women and men are everywhere, and I am very much aware of where I fall on the LA hotness scale.

Spoiler alert: it’s not high.

You see, back in Texas, I’d say I could be considered a solid 8. It never really occurred to me when I moved out here that number rating would not transfer. Here, in the land of beautiful people, I’m pushing a hard 6 on a good day. I don’t have a flat stomach or fake tits or an ass you can bounce a quarter off of. I probably outweigh all of my female friends here by a good 20 pounds. So when an insanely gorgeous guy with chiseled abs and the face of a slightly fairer skinned 28 year old John Stamos says he wants to go out with me, I’m naturally skeptical he is a. real, and b. into me. But Pete was both.

I first met Pete at a dark lounge bar around the corner from his place in Hollywood. Convenient. Within 5 minutes of meeting this guy I thought “yep, I’m fucking him tonight.” Clearly, Pete thought the same thing. We barely made it through two or three drinks before we had to get out of there. As we’re walking, his hands are all over me and we keep stopping to make out and grope each other. He was aggressive and dominant and it turned me on like crazy as he would push me up against a telephone pole to kiss me while he had a firm fistful of my hair. Pete and I wanted each other so bad and before I knew it I was bent over the hood of a car with my skirt pushed up, one of his hands full of my hair and the other on my waist, right there along the street where he lived. After a couple of cars drove by we decided to head into his building, where we couldn’t help ourselves and we started going at it in the elevator on the way up to his apartment. Once inside, Pete threw me on his bed and wore me out. It was so hot, so animalistic and rough, and after we were done he laid with me and asked me about my life, my family, and genuinely seemed to want to get to know me.

We were both clear with each other that neither of us were looking for anything serious, and I think that’s why this thing with Pete and I worked so well. We could talk about things, and genuinely be friends, but we knew that sex was just sex and that it didn’t mean anything more than that. I saw Pete maybe 5 or 6 more times, stopping by his place for a lunch time quickie when I was in the neighborhood, heading over when I was leaving a bar at 2am, or just for a low key night in, involving lots and lots of rough, sweaty, hot sex. I even stopped by Pete’s place one time on my way to a date with another guy. I felt a little guilty about that one, but when the sex is that good how can I pass it up?

Things cooled off with Pete, and I’m not really even sure why. Our schedules just got busy and it became less logistically easy to meet up, so we just kind of drifted. We’ve matched again on bumble and tinder since then and always make jokes about it, but nothing really ever materializes. Maybe I’ll text Pete tonight and see what he’s up to…

Matt

You  ever hear that phrase “young, dumb, and full of cum?” Well, that was Matt. I met him through Instagram, oddly enough, when he slid right in my DMs after saying he saw me on bumble and had to take me out sometime. Matt was cute, and had a nice body, but was only 25—well under my typical age cutoff by a couple of years, but I figured why not. He seemed sweet and eager to please, so I agreed to go on a date with him. I honestly can’t even remember where our first date was, I just remember him being so naive and sweet and so clearly not cut out for dating in Los Angeles. He had a thick Minnesota accent and was average height at best, but he had a nice smile and he was sweet.

We wound up having sex on maybe the first or second date, I’m not sure, but he definitely knew what to do when it came to oral. I think he was just so excited to be with an older woman he basically did anything to get me off, which I appreciated, and honestly loved that I could be so totally selfish with this guy and he didn’t seem to mind. And then I realized that this kid had never had casually dated in his life. He literally only knew how to be a boyfriend and I was being his teacher on how to fuck without feelings.

Apparently, I’m a shitty teacher, because this boy fell fast.

I realized it when we went for a hike at Runyon. Halfway up the trail this guy was trying to hold my hand and when  we got to the summit to rest for a minute he started trying to hug and kiss me. Okay dude, I for sure smell horrible and taste like dirt and sweat, the last thing I wanna do is make out with you. I should have called it all off then because I knew I did not want to date this guy, I was just in it for the sex. But being the true asshole I am, I kept stringing him along for a while for whenever I didn’t have plans or needed a date or something. I started to feel kind of bad, but then I thought, wait a minute. This is EXACTLY when men do all the time, and nobody seems to bat an eye.

So why can’t I?

I felt like I’d been clear with him in that I did not want a relationship and that this was casual, so where was the wrongdoing? Isn’t that what men do? I’m not a dick for this, right? I continued to go out with and sleep with Matt until one day at his place when we were watching a movie. I don’t remember what was on, but I realized in that moment that Matt was so, so dumb. He kept asking questions every 5 minutes that I felt like were so totally unnecessary. “Why is he acting like that?” “What is she doing?” “What is going on?” I DON’T KNOW, MATT, SHUT UP AND WATCH THE FUCKING MOVIE!

Fewer thing turn me off more than a dumb guy. I knew after that I was done. But here was the hard part about dating like a man: how do I end it when the guy hasn’t done anything wrong, I’m just over it? So I did the shitty thing, that I HATE having done to me, and I ghosted. I’d say I went at least a couple weeks without responding to Matt’s texts when I think he finally got the hint and stopped trying to reach me. Until this text came through:

“I miss your tight pussy.”

Oh Matt. I don’t even know how to answer that. So I didn’t. Fuck, I’m an asshole. I could have at least given him the classic “it’s not you, it’s me” (see Tyler), line, but no, I just went MIA on the poor kid without any explanation. I don’t exactly know where Matt stood with this, but the next thing I knew I saw on Instagram that he had moved back to Minnesota and was done with Los Angeles.

Oops. Sorry, Matt.