Andrew

There’s something hot and exciting about a cute guy on the other side of the country wanting to fly you out for a weekend getaway. Promises of nice dinners, maybe a day at a spa, and lots of hot sex—sign me up! That’s what Andrew had offered me repeatedly, but since I only knew him on the internet, I declined. I mean, sure, I’d flown halfway across the country to meet a guy for the first time before, but I took my time vetting Andrew to make sure he wasn’t some sort of Patrick Bateman about to murder me. Andrew followed me on Snapchat for a long time, messaging me here and there, always flirtatious, and I would flirt right back. He was cute, but not really my type—a little too clean cut for me—with blonde hair and blue eyes. The kind of guy who definitely wore pastel Polo shirts with khaki shorts and loafers, but he had a nice body and I won’t lie, his bulge pics were impressive. He regularly asked if I’d like to come visit him in Boston, but I took my time getting to know him.

 

Over the course of several months I learned that Andrew was an accountant for the Navy, lived in a nice area in Boston where he had moved to from Virginia. He and I added each other on Facebook and he offered up any information I asked of him. I began to feel comfortable with him as a person and started to consider his offer to go to Boston. I figured I would make sure everyone knew where I was, and if I began to have a bad time then I could always leave or make friends in Boston and explore the city on my own. I was no stranger to enjoying a city on my own or meeting new people, so I thought I’d roll the dice and take him up on his offer. Andrew and I agreed on a weekend in July and he booked my flights for me. He told me that we would go out to Nantucket or Martha’s Vineyard one day and that we’d have a great time. He also said that he may have to work a little bit one day, so he’d gladly send me to a spa while he was busy. I was totally excited about my weekend trip and when the day came for my 6 hour flight I was more than ready for an adventure.

 

I arrived in Boston on a Thursday night and Andrew said he was outside waiting for me in his Audi. Nice car choice, Andrew. I was nervous and excited as I walked out of the airport and quickly spotted him. He was a little shorter and skinnier than he’d appeared on Snapchat and in his pictures, but I guess we all know our angles. He helped me with my bag and we were on our way to get dinner. It was a little awkward, he wasn’t outwardly affectionate, but he was very complimentary, telling me how sexy I was and how he couldn’t wait to get me home. We finished dinner and headed back to his place. When we walked in the door I noticed it was a pretty big space and he mentioned that he had a roommate. I asked if his roommate knew I would be there and he laughed and said “Shit I probably should’ve mentioned that to him.”

 

I thought it was weird he hadn’t told his roommate that he’d have some girl staying with him for the weekend, but maybe they weren’t close or maybe he knew he wouldn’t care. I don’t know, I was just ready to have fun. We went into Andrew’s room and got situated and he started to kiss me. We began to make out, which was decent, and he started to feel me up a la high school make out, before moving on to removing my clothes. As things started to heat up and we lost more and more clothing, I noticed that his dick wasn’t as big as it had appeared in his bulge pics.

 

This, my friends, is called cockfishing.

 

The dick didn’t match the pics, but it was relatively average. Andrew grabbed a condom and we got down to business. We pretty much just stayed in missionary and the sex didn’t last all that long, but I did manage to get off so it was fine. Almost immediately after finishing and tossing the condom, Andrew fell asleep. I was still on west coast time and it was only like 9pm so I was bored and just messed around on Instagram until I crashed out too.

 

The next morning Andrew woke up early and went to get breakfast for me before he had to go into work for a little while. I didn’t mind because I was a little jet-lagged and needed a nap, plus I had some work to do on my computer. It was raining in Boston so it wasn’t like I wanted to walk around the city, but Andrew was kind enough to leave me some cash just in case I felt like going to do something solo. Because of the weekend’s weather, we were no longer going out to Nantucket but he said we’d do fun things in the city. I was a little bummed, but I couldn’t do much about the weather. Later in the day he was finally headed home and asked what I’d like to do that night and if I wanted to get dinner and drinks. I said yes.

 

Andrew got home and seemed a little off. I was ready to go to dinner and he was quiet and not as complimentary as he had been the night before. Finally he asks me, “What did you snapchat today?”

 

I looked at him with confusion and racked my brain. I hadn’t snapped anything crazy, just a few shots of me with stupid filters on saying that I was in Boston. He told me not to snapchat from his house anymore, which was confusing and weird. I asked what was up.

 

“So, I’m dating someone. And it turns out, she follows you. She recognized my bedroom in the background of your snaps.”

 

Motherfucker.

 

He quickly tried to do damage control and tell her that I’m just a friend crashing with him for the weekend and that it wasn’t anything to be worried about. But then he told me what her snap name was and said not to open any snaps from her if she messages me. I asked if it was exclusive or what the situation was, and as he tried to downplay the relationship to make me be cool with things. I began to realize that no, this guy is obviously a liar, and this wasn’t okay. He then proceeded to go into his living room and ignored me for three fucking hours, like as if somehow any of this was my fault.

 

Hoe tip: when a guy gets caught cheating on his girlfriend, it is HIS fault.

 

I had received several messages from people in Boston wanting to hang out and I got on Bumble and said fuck it, I’ll find someone else to hang out with this weekend. As a few hours went by a guy I’d talked to several times in recent days, Jay, offered to pick me up and at least give me somewhere else to crash for the night since it was late at that point and Andrew hadn’t even had the common decency to feed me dinner (after feeding me bullshit, that is). I texted Andrew from the next room and told him I was leaving. Andrew came into his room and asked if I was sure, and I told him that I was really uncomfortable and didn’t want to be there anymore. He gave me a half-assed apology, Jay showed up, and I was on my way.

 

Jay took me for a drink and a bite to eat with his friends, and gave me a place to crash for the night. He showed me around Boston a little the next day, and then we went our separate ways. I set off to meet a guy or two from Bumble, after, of course, Jay decided to go out of his way to tell me that I don’t contribute anything to society and that I’d be cuter if I took better care of myself. Like completely unprovoked, he felt the need to pinpoint everything he thought was wrong with me. The next guy I met in Boston, Adam, was all fun and great and invited me to drinks and dinner with his friends, but ditched me after drinks to wander around south Boston alone. I got myself a room, had a good cry, and crashed out.

 

Finally it was Sunday and it was time for me to go home. I couldn’t wait. I got to the airport, got on the plane, and got shit-faced. Andrew had bought me an upgraded seat that included complimentary alcoholic beverages, and I took full advantage by drinking all the prosecco they had on the plane. As I was crushing drinks I thought about all the people I had encountered over the weekend. Every guy started out with promise and just wound up being a typical, immature dick. What kind of vibe was I putting out there that I was attracting these guys? I mean, sure I portray myself in a certain way, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still worthy of respect as a human being. Andrew probably assumed that because I’m a sexual and open person, I would be okay with facilitating him cheating on his girlfriend. And Jay probably thought that I somehow needed his advice on how to live my life because I’m a woman and therefore inferior to him (I almost sprained my eyeballs rolling them so hard). And as for Adam…well I think he just got drunk and forgot how to treat people. At the end of it all, these men were immature and lacked respect and that wasn’t my fault.

 

I don’t think I’ll ever be making it back to Boston. Although I’m sure there are plenty of lovely people there, I only met Massholes.