Accidental Handjob

Back in my former life before memes and telling blowjob jokes on the internet, I used to work in sales in the craft beer industry. One of the many perks I had was getting to travel all over the United States for meetings and trips to our breweries, and my first big girl business trip was to a place I’ve grown to love so much, Portland, Oregon. Portland is basically just like my hometown, Austin, but with cooler weather and mountains in the background, so naturally I fell in love with it as soon as I arrived. It was gorgeous June weather and my coworkers and I immediately began exploring the city and hitting up local breweries. I’d only been single for about 6 months and I was excited to be on my first real business trip, so I hopped on Tinder just to see what I could find. I absent-mindedly swiped here and there for a day or two and came across a handful of viable options, including a super cute hipstery looking guy named Michael. He had sandy brown hair and blue eyes and looked so quintessentially Portland I had to message him when we matched.


I had some previous standing dinner plans later that night but Michael was really cute so I thought, why not go back to back and meet this guy for happy hour. I was down for something super laid back with good beer, so Michael suggested a bar called Momo’s and our date was set. I went on with my work day, stopped back by my hotel room to change, and I was on my way. When I arrived at Momo’s Michael was as cute in person as he was in his photos, and had a great and charming personality. He made me laugh, we drank a few beers, and I was laying on the flirtation heavily. You see, most all-day long work meetings can be pretty boring. But when you work for a brewery, you’re drinking during them. So I was definitely around 5 beers deep when I began the heavy petting. What can I say, I’m a classy girl.


We began making out a little at our table and I asked Michael if the bathrooms here were single-person ones or ones with multiple stalls, and he said it was a single-person one. I smiled with a look that I can only imagine would either strike fear in the heart of my mortal enemies or give them all intense boners, and said


“Perfect. Meet me there in 2 minutes.”


And like he’d been using stop watch, Michael showed up to that bathroom in exactly 2 minutes. I locked the door behind him and we went after it, making out, running our hands all over each other and he pushed me up against the sink. I was wearing panties for some odd reason (I rarely ever do this) and he reached up under my dress to pull them down. As he smiled and began kissing my thighs, I propped myself up onto the sink. Michael slipped my thong off, spread my legs and dove face first into my freshly waxed pussy and went to fucking town. It was so hot, the idea of getting caught, propped up on this bar bathroom sink, getting eaten out by this insanely cute guy. It wasn’t long before I was cumming in Michael’s mouth. Fuck, it was so hot.


Naturally, I went to return the favor, as is only the right thing to do. I undid Michael’s pants and pulled out his hard dick. Average in size, although not that it really mattered since I was just blowing him at this point. I put him in my mouth and it seemed like MAYBE a minute before he was cumming. I thought, either I’m just that goddamn good or this guy cums quick as fuck. I could tell he was a little embarrassed so I made no mention of the speed or anything, we got ourselves put back together and made our probably very obvious exits from the bathroom and got one more drink before I went off to my dinner plans. Michael was great and I really wanted to give him another shot before I left, so I suggested he stop by my hotel room sometime the next day for another round.


The next day, Michael came to my hotel room. Still cute as ever, and this time he seemed very ready to go and roll around a little now that we had some space. We made out for a while and he slipped off the shorts I’d been wearing around my room. Michael was apparently a pussy eating prince and dove in again. I laid back and enjoyed his tongue skills and after I came I reached down to warm him up before sex. Only, there would be no sex.


I pulled Michael’s already hard dick out, and within two tugs of a half-assed handjob, his body shook and my hand was full of cum.


I hadn’t given a handjob to completion since I was a teenager, nor had I ever experienced a man cumming THAT quickly and easily. I thought he was embarrassed but he just kind of laughed it off and said “oops.” What was this? Some kind of hipster retro handjob sex thing? Damn, hipsters really do have to do everything before it’s cool, including cumming apparently.


I awkwardly went to the bathroom to wash my hands and when I came back he was dressed and said “well, have a safe trip home.” I hugged him and said goodbye, and he left. Naturally I told my girlfriends IMMEDIATELY about the accidental handjob I’d just given, and started getting my things together to head home.


Maybe Michael cums quickly on a regular basis. Or maybe it was just me. But at least he was cute, funny, and he made sure I came first so I really can’t complain much. We’re still in touch and talk from time to time, he’s still cute, still funny, and still loves eating pussy.


Hoe tip: make sure you get yours first, ladies.