Ask Meredith!

Back with a Q&A for y’all!

 

Q:  I am dating a girl that I met a little over 5 months ago when I was on a business trip. Trouble is, she lives in Canada. And the longer our relationship goes on, the more difficult our relationship becomes. As if being in a long distance relationship weren’t enough, I’m in the Navy. Which brings an entirely new set of difficulties. We get along great and when we’re together, everything is perfect. When we’re apart, especially for more than a couple of weeks, she starts to get crazy. Like, gets mad at me for nothing (I’m pretty sure she has multiple personalities). I’m getting ready to transfer and we’re considering her moving with me. We’re only going to be able to live together for about 3-4 months before we literally have a life changing decision to make. We either have to get engaged and start the process of her becoming an American citizen, or she has to go back to Canada for another 120 days. I’ve been married twice now and I really am hesitant to make it a third time, especially if I feel like it’s something I have to do. It really is the only way for our relationship to continue though and I don’t know if I’m making the right decision. I hate breaking hearts, but I also hate wasting my time on love. What should I do?

A: To be honest, there seem to be way more cons to this situation than pros. This is an easy one to me, break up. It really doesn’t seem worth it and nobody should get married out of obligation. If at some point when you’re out of the Navy things have a way to work out without you basically being forced to marry her, then great, but at this point it seems like a whole lot more trouble than it’s worth.

 

Q:  So I have a few women I sleep with on a regular basis. I’m not in a relationship with any of them but that doesnt mean that I wouldn’t consider it with them. I asked one, the one I feel I’m closest to since we’ve been friends for a couple of years, if she thought this was going anywhere. Her response kinda floored me, she said that she thought it was pretty clear that it was implied that it was just about the sex.

Not to go too in-depth, but my size is quite large in the girth department. It’s just slightly smaller than a beer can. So I’ve had women in the past who sleep with me for the novelty of that and because of *other* talents. I get that, and obviously at the time I was okay with it so I can’t complain, but that was college and right after. I’m years past that life and at the point where partying every weekend doesnt take priority anymore.   Though after subtle questions and talking to some of the others I found out that they all have basically the same sentiment. They don’t want to be with me on any other level. So I’m conflicted on where to go next, I don’t want to cut them off because some are friends, one is even in my main group of friends and we’ve been hiding our actions from the rest. But I want something more and I’m starting to feel like I’m an object to them. Do you think it’s best to end it with them and deal with the possible fallout? I feel like I won’t be able to find what I’m looking for if I have other women hitting me up on a regular basis, but I’m still worried about losing these people outside of the bedroom.
A: I don’t really see any need to cut off casual sexual partners unless you actually find someone you want to date. You can slowly distance yourself sexually from them, but it doesn’t make any sense to give up your sex life because you would like to find someone to date. That said, be honest with your friends. Let them know you’re looking for something a little more serious so that they are aware that you are seeking out other women. I have men that I sleep with regularly, but if someone else came along that I was interested in actually dating I would have no problem telling them that I would like to see where things go with someone so I think it would be best if we didn’t sleep together anymore. At the end of the day, you don’t have to have sex with someone if you don’t want to, and your sex life as a single guy should not have any bearing on a potential dating relationship with someone new.
Q: I had a really good friends with benefits going, we were SO sexually compatible, he made me cum like 15 times in 6 rounds of sex. I’ve never met someone who I’ve been this sexually compatible with, but we were also pretty good friends. And so we had it going for like 3 months and then all of a sudden communication on his side just abruptly ended. Every time I reached out, I got nothing back and eventually called him out on it to which he said he was just grumpy for a couple of weeks and we could still meet up in the summer. I told him I needed the communication in this fwb to keep the trust going, no feelings involved I just need to trust the other person.

But since that last discussion (Early April) there’s been no communication either way. I really just need some good dick but I’m having a hard time swallowing my pride and messaging him again to see if he wants to. Do you think it’s worth messaging again or should I just cut my losses?

A: To be honest, it sounds like he’s fucking someone else and doesn’t want to tell you. And even if he isn’t, communication is very important with any kind of sexual partner, so I would cut my losses and move on to some new dick if I were you. His behavior is rude and you shouldn’t be stifling yourself sexually just because he doesn’t want to man up and tell you what his deal is.
Q: I had this tinder date at my place, he was super hot. We kissed and talked and had dinner, and at some point I asked him what he was thinking of. He answered that he didn’t think we should sleep together because he really likes me. That kinda weirded me out, but I was pleased at the same time. And then again we were chilling and he says “I wanna fuck you so bad but that would downplay this night.” So he said he would have seen me again even if we’d slept together, I said I didn’t believe that, and he said “you should but I will see you again.” Well did a little stalking and found out he has a girlfriend in LA. Texted him that he’s a shitty person, he agreed and apologized. But now, should I tell her?
A: BLOW. UP. HIS. SPOT. I am a firm believer in exposing a cheater. I recently had a situation in which I was dating a man and found out that he was married, so I told his wife when I found out. I have been cheated on and I would like to have been told when it first happened rather than it continue on with me looking stupid. Tell the girlfriend, be sure to keep screenshots of conversations with the guy in the event that she doesn’t believe you or tries to blame you. I don’t support liars or cheaters, expose his ass.
Q: This isn’t like a sex question or anything, but how do you get your skin so clear and even?? What kind of skincare routine do you have? I feel like everything I try works for a little while and then my skin gets broken out again. Any tips?
A: First, thank you! So one thing that makes a really big difference, which I’m sure the majority of women reading this are not going to want to hear, is that I don’t wear makeup. Aside from my musical theatre days, I have never really worn foundation or anything. Sometimes for a special occasion, but even then the extent of my makeup is maybe a little concealer under my eyes or if I have a blemish or something, and then eye makeup (eyeliner and mascara). So my pores stay pretty clear all the time. I use a Burt’s Bees moisturizer with SPF, and I mix coconut oil with brown sugar for an exfoliant. Wipe off the excess with a warm washcloth and massage the rest into your skin. Oil cleansing sounds counter-intuitive but one huge reason people break out is because washing with a soap strips the skin of its natural oils, forcing you to over-produce to make up for it and that clogs your pores. I rarely use an actual soap on my face, and when I do I prefer something as natural as possible like Burt’s Bees. Otherwise I just use a makeup wipe for my eyes and rarely actually wash my face (if you wear makeup then obviously you want to remove your makeup daily). I always wear a hat when I’m in the sun too to keep it off my face, and I drink a lot of water. I’m also part Native American, so genetically I’ve got a little bit of an edge there, but letting your skin breathe is huge! My skin has never looked better than when I stopped using chemicals and started oil cleansing.
That’s all for this week, remember you can send me all your questions in the contact submission form on my page or at meredith@meredithactually.com!
Xoxo,
Meredith