Chames

You ever see a guy so insanely attractive you don’t even know what to do with yourself? The kind of guy who is distracting to look at? The kind of guy who immediately has you under his spell, and you start to figure out ways to get him to go home with you at least just once so you can tell your friends about it. A guy who knows he looks like a Greek god and you have no problem with allowing to hit and quit it and never call you again.

Well, that was Chames.

I went out to The Abbey, a gay club in West Hollywood, on Christmas Eve with my friend Ashleigh. It’s one of my favorite places in LA, especially on Christmas Eve. It’s become our tradition to go to The Abbey and drink tequila and slide $1s into sexy male go-go dancers booty shorts. (Hoe hoe hoe, right?)


We walked into the appropriately festive club, couples hiding from their families, scantily clad men wearing Santa hats, and no shortage of attractive people. As we went to the bar to order a drink, this gorgeous, shirtless man took our order while giving me the sexiest smile I think I’ve ever seen. I swear he looked like a hot, bearded Aladdin with a thick French accent. It was almost dizzying to look at him. Ashleigh and I got our drinks and retreated to a spot towards the side of the dancer’s stage to admire the view and catch up. Ashleigh was in the process of moving to Los Angeles from Australia and splitting up with her fiance, so we had lots of catching up to do.  But it was difficult to pay attention to Ashleigh because each time I went back to get another drink, I’d notice sexy Aladdin run from the other end of the bar to take my order.

After playing this game for a few rounds, Sexy Aladdin altered his serving loop and took a holding pattern by the area where Ashleigh and I were standing. This seemed odd to me—this guy was beyond out of my league and there was no way he was actually looking at me of all people, but then Ash nudged me and said, “He’s totally checking you out!”

“No way,” I said. But when I looked back, I caught his eye again. Sure enough he was up-downing my leggings and tight sweater, smiling that sexy smile again. Holy shit. Sexy Aladdin was definitely checking me out.

I began to throw glances his way too, returning his smile, and finally it happened. He crossed the dance floor to me, leaned in, and whispered in my ear, “You have the most beautiful smile, I have to take you to dinner. I’m Chames.” It was like James, but with a shhh in front, like he didn’t want me to tell his secret. Cue the fucking waterfall in my panties. I gave Chames my phone number, and he texted me later that night that he couldn’t wait to see me.

Our first date was the next day, Christmas. We were both away from our families and didn’t have the chance to go home for the holidays, so it seemed like a perfect opportunity for a first date. Chames took me to a little sushi place, one of the few places open in West Hollywood, and we had a great time. He was funny and sweet, a total gentleman and incredibly well dressed. I swear he was in head to toe Balmain. He confessed was a model, because of course he was, and that he was originally from Nice, France with family in Morocco. He was into real estate and had plans to become some sort of international real estate mogul, which was a pleasant surprise from the usual ambitions of the typical LA “model” guy. After dinner we kissed goodbye, and he said he had to see me again soon, so we scheduled another date for later that week.

We went on a couple more dates—a late night drink at a little speakeasy near my place and dinner at this incredible pizza place in Sherman Oaks. This boy knew to take me to pizza within the first 3 dates? Um yeah, he was definitely coming in hot. Pizza and champagne are pretty sure-fire ways to get into my pants, and after that night, finally, he came home with me.

Just seeing him naked was enough to turn my panties into his personal Slip N Slide. Chames was the perfect mix of sensual and aggressive, kissing that felt romantic and soft, but with a firm handful of my hair to show me who’s boss. As turned on as his body made me he seemed to be obsessed with mine, which only made me that much more into him and ready to do just about anything he wanted to. And the French dirty talk. He could have been telling me I was ugly and he hoped I got hit by a bus, I literally would have had no idea, but it sounded so hot, and the orgasms kept coming (pun absolutely intended).

We continued seeing each other and having amazing sex for about a month. And when I say amazing, I mean hot, sweaty, multiple orgasms, and positions you pretty much only see in porn, fully utilizing the fact that an entire wall of my bedroom is mirrored. I mean, I took dance growing up and everything but I had no idea I was still that flexible. I noticed that he never went down on me, which, in my experience isn’t all that surprising with men like Chames. It’s like the hotter they are the less they feel they have to try to please you. Not that it ever stopped me from agreeing to sex with the guy. We soaked my bed nearly every time which only turned him on more. I literally had to change my sheets every time we had sex.

Hoe tip: never assume you’re not a squirter.

I thought I just wasn’t able to do it, but apparently if you get into the right position and have a guy bang you out just right (and a nice sized dick helps) you too can have to do laundry every fucking day. I’ll be real honest here: I can do without squirting ever again. It really did nothing to enhance my sexual experience and as someone who likes having clean sheets at all times, it really just annoyed me when it was all said and done. But Chames was allll about the squirting. I swear the things we do for hot guys…

After about a  month of exciting sex and what I thought was the beginning of what could possibly turn into a relationship, things began to fizzle out. The nice dates and sweet texts stopped, and the only times I would see Chames were when I went to The Abbey or when he’d come over and fuck my brains out, then leave. Seeing Chames became less frequent as our schedules were very opposite, and it became purely sexual. (Or maybe it had been sexual the whole time? Maybe he was simply playing the game well and I was too blinded by his beauty to care.) As with most things, I started to lose interest. Mostly because I don’t particularly enjoy just being a thing of convenience, but also because he didn’t eat pussy, and I don’t care how hot you are, you gotta eat pussy to remain on my roster.

I still hear from Chames from time to time, and I’m sure I’ll fuck him again at some point because it’s fun to have a hot French model bang you out every now and then. For now, I’ll see him at The Abbey and brag to anyone within earshot that I’ve hit that. Guys like Chames are so alluring and it’s fun bragging rights to say I’ve had sex with this guy who’s so hot most women would only dream of sleeping with him. Next time I don’t think I’ll delude myself into believing this would ever be more than just sex. Charm, hotness, and a French accent can make you believe all kinds of things, but at the end of the day a spade is a spade, and a fuckboy is a fuckboy.

Ask Meredith!

I’m back from a brief hiatus with Q&A!

Q: I’m not one to ask someone or even worry about this, but it does make me curious–does body count matter? I know people tend to make a big deal out of this, like actually having a certain number, but does it really even matter?

A: Short answer: NO. It is nobody’s business who you have slept with. If someone you’re dating asks you how many people you’ve had sex with, that’s a good sign they’re insecure. Your sexual past is your business and your business alone. As long as you are safe and everyone is a consenting adult, your body count really is completely irrelevant. One of my closest girlfriends has slept with maybe 8 people in her life, and she is 30. I lost count years ago. And you know what? We are BOTH worth just as much as women and deserve the same kind of respect from men. This goes for you too guys! How many girls you’ve banged is totally your business, and it doesn’t make you a better/worse person than anyone else. A great rule of thumb is just to never ask your partner’s body count. It’s rude and doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

 

Q: I just recently got into tinder and been talking (and sexting) with a few guys. Sexting has been really fun and all but I haven’t had the confidence to actually meet them. I have my flaws but I also think I’m pretty hot but…the thing is when I’m sexting I hide my flaws and highlight my assets. So I’m afraid when I totally expose myself when I meet them they would get disappointed you know, like us girls getting cockfished! And it doesn’t help that they’re super hot. I love that you’re honest and open about your appearance, I pretty much have your body (same height, big boobs, not fat not skinny) but I don’t have your confidence. In your experience, do guys care about that or it’s just in my head?

A: Oh girl. Body image and confidence is something that I (and I think most women–and a lot of men) struggle with all the time. We all take photos from our best angles to highlight our best assets, even people with the most “perfect” bodies do it. I am constantly picking myself apart in the mirror or afraid that a man won’t think I’m hot in person or whatever. I’ve struggled in the past with eating disorders and serious body dysmorphia, and people can be cruel (as I’ve learned since subjecting myself to criticism from strangers on the internet). When it comes to the men you’re sexting with, in my experience, they’re just amped to fuck you. Men like women of all different body types–I have guy friends who love skinny model-types, and guys I know who like a fuller figured woman, the preferences are all over the map. The best advice I can give is to be uninhibited in the bedroom and even if you’re not feeling the greatest about your body, go in there acting like you’re the hottest bitch on the block. Confidence is sexy, especially in the bedroom. A man would rather fuck a confident woman who is down to have some fun than a hot chick who’s insecure and boring in the bedroom. Let your guard down and have fun–the worst that happens is a guy doesn’t text you again afterward. Not the end of the world, there’s plenty more dick in the sea!

 

Q: So I’m fucking this guy who, in retrospect, is basically an abuser/rapist. And I pooped. I didn’t even feel it. Didn’t even hear a toot. You see the thing is that this particular human thinks it’s his claim to fame to make girls squirt. He has said to me he thinks he can make any girl do it. So he always says “push it out push it out” so I did. And I guess I pooped. He immediately gagged and ran to th bathroom. I didn’t even have a towel to offer. So I shut the door and screamed “bye forever because I can obviously never see you again!”

This guy is a straight up freak. Is it completely shame based if one day I try to hit him up for a bang again?

A: First of all, never fuck a guy who is truly an abuser or rapist. Ever. Like literally delete his # and all ways of contacting him and never ever allow him into your life ever again. Second of all, well, I’ve never shit during sex, but I mean yeah, bye FOREVER. Might consider changing your name and assuming a new identity. And never EVER hit that guy up again unless you just want to be humiliated. If you’re into humiliation (no judgement here, you do you), then that’s up to you, but personally I would never.

 

Q: So every girl I’ve ever been with enjoyed when I’d go down on them and express it vocally or by moaning. Recently I met and hooked up with a girl who just laid there and didn’t even make a noise when I was going down on here or during sex. I’m not the biggest but do you think that could be the problem?

A: There could be a few reasons for this. One, the women you’ve slept with might be insecure or not in touch with their bodies. There are a lot more women out there like this than you’d think. I’ve never been that type, so I don’t really get it, but I’ve heard this complaint before from men who aren’t lacking in the skills area. Another reason could be that you’re not doing it for them. Maybe you’re just inexperienced. I’m a firm believer that any man, regardless of dick size, can be taught how to please a woman in one way or another. A great way to learn is to ask you partner what she likes. Every woman is different. I don’t usually orgasm from penetration, so I prefer oral sex to warm me up. Some women are the opposite. Be inquisitive and find out what your partner likes. If she is unable to guide you or tell you what she likes, then the problem is likely that she is inexperienced or insecure herself. Good luck! If you have more specific sex technique questions, feel free to reach out!

 

Q: So for the past 3 years I have been enjoying the single life. Just having fun with some free meals along the way. It was great. About 5 months ago I went home with this guy I met at a bar and, while the sex was amazing, I figured I wasn’t going to see him again. He found me on social media, asked for my number and we were hanging out ever since. Now, I’m not the kind of girl to get attached and get caught up in feelings. Like I said, I have been enjoying the single life. So in the mist of seeing this guy, I decide to go out with someone else. To mix it up, if you will. We went to dinner and when he was taking me home he kissed me in the car. I was surprised at my reaction; I felt bad. I kept wondering, why does this not feel right? Why don’t I want to invite him inside? That’s when I realized feelings were there for this guy I had been seeing for 5 months. I let a couple of weeks go by while I wrestled with my feelings for this guy. Having these feelings is weird enough for me, but the thought of having the, “so what are we” conversation just didn’t sit well. But I knew that if I didn’t say anything and let even more time pass, these feelings would manifest. So I told him how I felt, that I wanted more and to see what this could actually be. To no surprise, he didn’t feel the same way. A relationship was just something he didn’t want right now. I told him that I understood but I had to end it. So my question is, is this what I get for having the mid set of a man? Going from the carefree, fun-loving dating lifestyle to suddenly being this girl that wants a relationship is quite a leap to make, and an uneasy one at that. Have you ever dealt with this? Any advice/ words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

A: I’ve been in a similar situation before, and it blows. Like there’s no sugar-coating that, it was very difficult to hear that the guy didn’t have feelings for me beyond what we were doing. That situation ending was just as painful and difficult as a breakup. In retrospect, I realized that I was allowing this guy to have his cake and eat it too. All the benefits and fun of a relationship without any of the responsibilities. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I know now not to allow myself to be in that kind of situation unless we are in mutual agreement. Don’t beat yourself up about it! It happens to men too. We can’t control our feelings, so don’t feel like you should be living your life in any particular way. It took me a little while to get over that type of heartache, but it was a great learning experience. Take time to think about exactly what you want, and what you feel you deserve, and don’t settle!

 

Keep your sex and dating questions coming y’all! I’ll be selecting 5 each week to answer here. I love feedback too! Is there something else you’d like featured on my blog? Fill out the contact submission form here or email me at meredith@meredithactually.com!

Xoxo,

Meredith

The Australian

Okay, I’ll admit it. I forgot his name. If y’all didn’t think I was a total asshole before, you probably do now. Whatever. Anyway, I matched with this hot Australian guy on Tinder in LA the day before I was heading to Vegas for a random January weekend getaway. We talked a little back and forth and it turned out he was in the states for a few months and was deciding if he wanted to stay in LA or not. I told him I was heading to Vegas for the weekend but we should get together when I get back and by some random coincidence he just happened to be going to Vegas that weekend as well and had a suite at MGM Grand. Perfect. We planned to meet at the whiskey bar there in the casino on Sunday.

The Aussie was there before me and was every bit as cute as he was in his pictures. Tall, blonde, blue eyes, and a Perth accent so thick I could barely understand him. Thankfully a couple of my close friends are Australian so I was able to decipher his slang, but otherwise he basically would have been speaking another language. Not that it really mattered, this guy was not sticking around or anything, he was just something fun to do for the night. We had a few drinks and then decided we needed to eat and looked around for a restaurant. Aussie was in the mood for steak, which I’ll never turn down, so we decided on Craftsteak. A $300-$400 steak dinner in Vegas with a hot Aussie? Uhhh yeah I’ll take it.

 

Dinner was amazing, he ordered a bottle of wine and we went to town on some amazing steaks. We walked around the casino floor a little and then decided to hit up the Hakkasan nightclub there at MGM. We danced and had a few drinks and at this point were already pretty drunk so everything sounded like a good idea. Aussie had never played craps before and it’s my favorite table game, so we left the club and hit up a craps table. Aussie handed me a bunch of cash and told me to show him how to play. Gambling with someone else’s money is the best way to gamble. We played for a while, won a little cash and finally decided it was time to go back to his hotel room and get weird.

 

As soon as we got in the door Aussie was ripping my clothes off like a fucking caveman and I could not have been more turned on. He threw me on the bed, pushed my legs open and dove in face first. God I love a man who enthusiastically eats pussy. After I came we rolled around and I feel like he put me into every different sexual position known to man, fucking my brains out, before finally grabbing me and flipping me on top of him. As I’m riding him he grabs my hand and slides it to his throat. This was new, I’m usually the choke-ee, not the choker, but it was oddly satisfying. I got more and more aggressive with him and he was loving every second of it. Before I knew it I was fucking him and slapping him in the face. And I don’t mean light little love taps, hauling off and slapping the shit out of him. And he could not have been happier. He came and we both almost immediately passed out. I was fucking exhausted!

 

Our flights back to LA were roughly around the same time the next day so we decided to head to the airport together, probably still drunk from the night before, we kissed goodbye when I got to my terminal since we were on different airlines, and texted each other when we landed. We’d considered getting dinner in LA that night but we were both exhausted, and he was leaving for Nicaragua the next day. I’ll probably never speak to Aussie again, and I don’t even remember his name, but that was honestly some of the hottest sex I’ve ever had. So if you’re out there reading this, Aussie guy, thanks for an amazing night in Vegas and the many sex bruises that covered my body afterward. I may have forgotten your name, but definitely not how great in bed you were.

An Open Letter to Assholes on the Internet

I’ll start out by saying that the majority of y’all who are reading this are probably pretty cool people. I have lots of really awesome fans and there are plenty of normal dudes out there who this does not apply to. But unfortunately, there are enough of them that this does, and I felt like it was important to say something.

Ever since I began gaining what little internet fame I have, I’ve received harassment in several forms. Unsolicited dick pics, strangers calling me fat, disgusting, trash, ugly, the list goes on and on. This used to happen maybe once a week but as my follower count has grown, so has the harassment. This is every day. I’ve had men tell me that if I got raped it would be my fault, or that I deserved to be raped to teach me a lesson. And why? Because I’m open about my sexuality? Because I make jokes about enjoying casual sex? Because I turned down their sexual advances? Because I’m a woman?

Here’s the deal. I could be a literal prostitute and still would not deserve to be harassed and berated by strangers on the internet. Women are far too often socialized to be ashamed of their sexuality, or that enjoying sex is taboo and dirty. There is NOTHING wrong with enjoying sex with whoever the hell you want to enjoy sex with, so long as everyone is a consenting adult. I love men, and I love having sex, is that so wrong? Does that make me less of a person? Absolutely fucking not.

I recently posted a screenshot of an email I received from a man named Ronnel Ricardo Parham. He berated me calling me trash, accusing me of being unhappy and having low self-esteem. This man has never met me, never had a real conversation with me, and only knows me from my jokes and photos on the internet. We are complete strangers. This verbal assault came after he told me how hot I was and sent me an unsolicited dick pic, which I promptly blocked him for. Over the following several MONTHS he proceeded to contact me on every form of social media that I own and attempted to send me a friend request on my personal, private Facebook account. I noticed that he is local to Los Angeles, and his persistence to track me down made me feel unsafe, and I blocked him from everything except Snapchat because I could not remember what his username was. He contacted me once more on snapchat and I told him to leave me alone, and blocked him. This prompted the hate-filled email I received. I responded and told him that he was behaving like a stalker and that if he contacted me again I would be calling the police. I hope that was enough to make him leave me alone.

Here is a tip for you guys: don’t send unsolicited dick pics. If you were to see a woman in public that you find attractive, or even let’s say she was wearing something provocative (not that it matters in the least bit), and you went up to her and said “You’re hot” and pulled your dick out, you would be arrested. That is sexual harassment. It’s equally as not-okay on the internet. Unless a woman explicitly asks to see your dick, or it is a woman you have a sexual flirtation relationship with and she is sexting you, don’t send a dick pic. Sure, there may be some women out there that wouldn’t mind it, but the majority of us don’t and it’s better to err on the side of caution.

“But you’re always talking about how much of a hoe you are, you kind of deserve it,” the men in the back cry.

Does a woman wearing a sexy outfit deserve to get groped by a stranger? Or the girl who thought she wanted to have sex but changed her mind, does she deserve to get raped? Or what about the woman who was flirting with you at the bar but is too drunk now to consent, is she asking for it too? Do you see where I’m going with this? No woman (or man for that matter) deserves unwelcome sexual advances or harassment. I can have sex with every man in Los Angeles and it still does not give you the right to sexually harass me. Being a sex positive and sexually confident woman should be just as acceptable as a sexually confident man.

To all of you men reading this and agreeing, thank you, I’m way more likely to sleep with a man who respects me as a sexual being. All you ladies reading and nodding your head, I hope you’re empowered to embrace your own sexuality in whatever way you choose to (as long as everyone is a consenting adult). And to those of you reading this thinking I’m just some dumb slut on a soapbox, move along. Don’t read my blog, don’t follow me on Instagram. I don’t need your negativity. Take up a hobby or something.

Now, back to the dick jokes and stories about the men I’ve banged.

Xoxo,

Meredith

Raffi

I met Raffi on Tinder (what a surprise) and I was immediately attracted to his beard and tattoos. He was Armenian, lived in the valley and owned an Armenian restaurant in Van Nuys, seemed to have his shit together and had a great sense of humor. After a couple of days of talking he invited me to dinner at a place I love, The Misfit in Santa Monica. I immediately noticed he was a little shorter than I’d expected, but honestly what the fuck do I care, I’m 5’2” (5’3” if my hair has volume that day). Shortness aside, Raffi was cute and had a great laugh. Dinner was amazing as usual and we decided to go to a bar around the corner afterwards for a few more drinks. It was truly a textbook perfect first date. We kissed good night and I knew I definitely wanted to see him again. 

That week was Thanksgiving, so we were both super busy with family stuff and couldn’t coordinate to meet for another week, but we talked every day and he seemed great. Raffi asked me out for drinks again, and then invited me over the next night. Fucking finally I was gonna get laid, what’s with these guys not wanting to fuck on the first date? What bizarro world am I living in? Anyway, I went over to Raffi’s for the classic “Netflix & chill” night and was immediately comfortable laying on the couch with him. Let me tell y’all, getting stoned as fuck and watching David Blaine specials is WHERE IT’S AT.

 

We finally started making out and made our way to his bed. He began taking my clothes off and kissing me, working his way down my body to land between my legs. Good job, Raffi. A tip for all you fellas: go down on her first to make sure she cums. So many women don’t cum from sex, gotta make sure she gets hers and she’ll be more enthusiastic during sex. After he successfully went down on me, I then went to return the favor (like a lady). Average sized dick, nothing to write home about, and after I warmed him up a little with a blowjob, he was ready to fuck. The sex was okay, not bad, not amazing, but decent. Pretty standard sex, but whatever, I came from oral so I’m fine with it.

 

I stayed the night and headed home in the morning, and Raffi said he would get tickets to a show at The Comedy Store that I really wanted to go to a couple days before my birthday that following week and I was super excited. We went to the show that Sunday night and had a great time. Since Raffi lived in the valley and I’m way down on the west side I decided not to go home with him in favor of not sitting through Monday morning traffic the next day. He asked me to let him know when I got home, I did, and bid him goodnight. The next day I texted him to congratulate him on closing on a new condo, and got no response. No big deal, I figured he was busy.

 

The next day was my birthday. I waited until maybe 1 or 2pm and still had not received any sort of “Happy Birthday” text from Raffi and was obviously annoyed. There are few things girls love more than their own birthdays, and not wishing a woman you were recently inside of a happy birthday is fucking rude. I texted to invite him to dinner with my friends and I, no response.

 

Did this fool really leave me on read ON MY BIRTHDAY?

 

I was reasonably upset about him just going M.I.A. on me like that, considering we’d had 4 really great dates and I had zero indication that he wasn’t into me. The rest of the week went by with radio silence from Raffi. Finally that Friday I decided to text him and ask him what the hell the deal was. I don’t really deal well with being ghosted, I just always want to know what the problem was (because I’m a girl and we are neurotic as fuck). I was all pissed off and then finally, Raffi responded. His reason for ghosting? Because I didn’t offer to pay on any of our dates.

 

Let me be clear about something. I can buy my own drinks and dinner. I do it all the time. But when YOU ask ME out, YOU are paying buddy. Also, maybe this is the southern girl in me but that’s how dating fucking works, bro. We’d only gone out 3 times not including the night at his place where I fucking drove all the way to the goddamn valley to get some mediocre dick, 2 of which were his invitation and the third was mutually agreed upon and was an early birthday celebration. Why the fuck would I offer to pay in any of those situations?

 

After I tore Raffi a new asshole via text he then had the audacity to say that he thought I was being crazy for being upset about the situation considering we were “basically strangers.” After talking every day for 2 ½ weeks and seeing each other 4 times we are not strangers dude. I guess Raffi regularly sticks his average dick in strangers on the reg or something. Well Raffi, good luck with dating in Los Angeles because if you’re irate about me not offering to pay, you’re gonna have a real bad time with every other girl here. I gave him my final thoughts on what a douche he is and promptly blocked his number.

 

Hoe tip: don’t go out with cheap assholes.

Ask Meredith!

Here are this week’s questions from you guys! Keep em coming, y’all!

 

Q: Is the thickness (girth) more important than the actual length of a penis? Which would you prefer or which would you say is more important than the other? Men would love to excel in both measurements, but if women had to pick which is better the length or the thickness? Example: Would a 5 inch thick penis feel better than an 8 inch skinny penis?

A: I’ll start out by saying that I do not speak for all women. But personally, I prefer a solid girth over just a long dick. I’m pretty small inside and anything longer than around 8-8.5 inches hurts me in many positions. The g spot is also located only a few inches inside the vaginal wall, so you don’t technically need some giant anaconda to hit it right. But having decent girth is important. I don’t want it to just feel like you’ve got a finger in there!

 

Q: So I’ve always been a super sexual person. And open and proud about that. I got the hang of casual sex/dating and it was working well for me for a long time. But then, I had a bad batch of dudes. A few in a row who, for what ever reason, played me pretty hard by acting like our casual fling was meaningful, then, as soon as I’d start believing them, they’d bolt for the hills. Leaving me infuriated time and time again. And eventually I got to the point where I am now, which is I’m basically too jaded to date. If a guy pays me any attention Im immediately defensive and hostile. Basically, I’m a cunt to any guy who hits on me. And a cunt to guys who don’t. I’m just generally a cunt to guys. And the thought of letting a guy flirt with me enough to get me into bed, makes my skin crawl. I’ve never been this asexual, and it’s freaking me out. I guess my question is, have you ever been through this phase, and if so, did it pass on its own accord or did it take you being proactive about it? I wanna get back to loving having an active sex!

A: First of all, I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I can completely related on being too jaded to date. Bad relationships, bad dating experiences, and just all around bad men can make any woman say “fuck it” and throw her hands up. I’ve been there. But instead of being hostile, or being on the defensive, try taking the approach of a man. I always say that I date like a man. I make the first move in many cases, or if I don’t, I clearly define what the situation is going to be and how it will benefit me. Take ownership of the situation instead of allowing it to happen. I love dating apps for this, especially Bumble, because it literally forces you to make the first move. Be direct, be clear, be friendly, and in my experience men will respond very favorably to the confidence and to a woman being clear in her intentions. Get out there and get some dick, girl!

 

Q: I’m a newly single 33-year-old successful business woman living in Sacramento, CA. I went through the typical newly single transformation and lost a bunch of weight, got a glam team together to keep up my spray tan, lash extensions, hair extensions and overall general appearance. I live downtown in one of the trendiest neighborhoods but I’m still having trouble meeting guys. I’ve been dating a guy for a few months but he’s very busy with building his career, and like most girls I require a lot of attention. I thought because I have all these things going for me (awesome career, banging body, glam squad) that guys would flock to me but it’s just not happening. I’ve been out of the dating scene for 4 years so I’ve never used dating apps and was really really against them but now I’m wondering if I’m not getting any guys because they just don’t walk up to girls and talk to them anymore. Do I have to use a dating app to meet guys these days? What apps would you recommend?

A: Dating these days is so weird. As I’ve mentioned a few times I was married and I was with my ex for 6 years–since before dating apps existed. I was so out of the game. I immediately hopped on Tinder, and went on several dates from it, some hits, some misses, added Bumble into the mix, got rid of both of them and then what I found was that men don’t approach women in a bar anymore. It’s just not the way we’ve been socialized since the invention of dating apps. Dating is HARD AS FUCK today because it’s like we’ve got infinite selection at our fingertips. That said, I’m totally a fan of Bumble. The woman has to make the first move so you have a little more control over the situation, and I’ve met several super hot guys. Bumble is also extremely female friendly; if a man exhibits some shitty behavior (i.e. sending an unsolicited dick pic through the app, or being an asshole when messaging) you can report his profile and Bumble will actually disable the guy’s account. I’ve even made some incredible friends through dating apps, give them a shot!

 

Q: Sometimes if it gets hot and heavy, I usually want to bust my load after a bit. I can hold it for a long time with that feeling, but I get distracted from her pleasure. Should I just start off by getting one off early and telling her that, because I can stay hard and it takes plenty of time, like an hour before I need to explode and take a break. Or should I play it by ear and see how easily she cums and decide then?

A: I have run into countless men who cum way too fast and I don’t get mine, and it’s beyond annoying. Jerk off before your girl comes over or before your date. You gotta get one outta the way so you can last a long time when the time comes to have sex. If you regularly can go for a long time, then don’t worry about it, but I highly recommend masturbating (for both men AND women) before a date. Not only do you ensure that you can last (for men) and that you get off (for women) but you also don’t have clouded judgment going in and know for sure if you really want to have sex with this person or if you’re just horny.

 

Q: So I went on a 3rd date with my favorite tinder dude. We met up at his place and there was a used condom on his floor! I got super awkward, but ultimately still went on the date. What would you have done?

A: Okay,  I applaud him for being safe and if you’re just casually seeing each other/sleeping together he is well within his right to be sleeping with other people BUT WHAT THE FUCK DUDE? That is gross! Clean your goddamn room bro, who leaves used condoms just casually lying around?? I’d have called him out immediately for being gross. Not gross for fucking other people, but gross for leaving that shit laying around. If he reacted by being embarrassed and having no idea it was there, then alright, he gets a pass, but if he laughs it off I’m grossed out just for sanitary reasons. It’s not that hard to throw away your cum-filled condom after fucking someone, man.

 

If you’ve got some sex/dating/life questions you think I can answer feel free to head to my contact page and ask me anything or shoot me an email at meredith@meredithactually.com!

XOXO,

Meredith