I’m back from a brief hiatus with Q&A!
Q: I’m not one to ask someone or even worry about this, but it does make me curious–does body count matter? I know people tend to make a big deal out of this, like actually having a certain number, but does it really even matter?
A: Short answer: NO. It is nobody’s business who you have slept with. If someone you’re dating asks you how many people you’ve had sex with, that’s a good sign they’re insecure. Your sexual past is your business and your business alone. As long as you are safe and everyone is a consenting adult, your body count really is completely irrelevant. One of my closest girlfriends has slept with maybe 8 people in her life, and she is 30. I lost count years ago. And you know what? We are BOTH worth just as much as women and deserve the same kind of respect from men. This goes for you too guys! How many girls you’ve banged is totally your business, and it doesn’t make you a better/worse person than anyone else. A great rule of thumb is just to never ask your partner’s body count. It’s rude and doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
Q: I just recently got into tinder and been talking (and sexting) with a few guys. Sexting has been really fun and all but I haven’t had the confidence to actually meet them. I have my flaws but I also think I’m pretty hot but…the thing is when I’m sexting I hide my flaws and highlight my assets. So I’m afraid when I totally expose myself when I meet them they would get disappointed you know, like us girls getting cockfished! And it doesn’t help that they’re super hot. I love that you’re honest and open about your appearance, I pretty much have your body (same height, big boobs, not fat not skinny) but I don’t have your confidence. In your experience, do guys care about that or it’s just in my head?
A: Oh girl. Body image and confidence is something that I (and I think most women–and a lot of men) struggle with all the time. We all take photos from our best angles to highlight our best assets, even people with the most “perfect” bodies do it. I am constantly picking myself apart in the mirror or afraid that a man won’t think I’m hot in person or whatever. I’ve struggled in the past with eating disorders and serious body dysmorphia, and people can be cruel (as I’ve learned since subjecting myself to criticism from strangers on the internet). When it comes to the men you’re sexting with, in my experience, they’re just amped to fuck you. Men like women of all different body types–I have guy friends who love skinny model-types, and guys I know who like a fuller figured woman, the preferences are all over the map. The best advice I can give is to be uninhibited in the bedroom and even if you’re not feeling the greatest about your body, go in there acting like you’re the hottest bitch on the block. Confidence is sexy, especially in the bedroom. A man would rather fuck a confident woman who is down to have some fun than a hot chick who’s insecure and boring in the bedroom. Let your guard down and have fun–the worst that happens is a guy doesn’t text you again afterward. Not the end of the world, there’s plenty more dick in the sea!
Q: So I’m fucking this guy who, in retrospect, is basically an abuser/rapist. And I pooped. I didn’t even feel it. Didn’t even hear a toot. You see the thing is that this particular human thinks it’s his claim to fame to make girls squirt. He has said to me he thinks he can make any girl do it. So he always says “push it out push it out” so I did. And I guess I pooped. He immediately gagged and ran to th bathroom. I didn’t even have a towel to offer. So I shut the door and screamed “bye forever because I can obviously never see you again!”
This guy is a straight up freak. Is it completely shame based if one day I try to hit him up for a bang again?
A: First of all, never fuck a guy who is truly an abuser or rapist. Ever. Like literally delete his # and all ways of contacting him and never ever allow him into your life ever again. Second of all, well, I’ve never shit during sex, but I mean yeah, bye FOREVER. Might consider changing your name and assuming a new identity. And never EVER hit that guy up again unless you just want to be humiliated. If you’re into humiliation (no judgement here, you do you), then that’s up to you, but personally I would never.
Q: So every girl I’ve ever been with enjoyed when I’d go down on them and express it vocally or by moaning. Recently I met and hooked up with a girl who just laid there and didn’t even make a noise when I was going down on here or during sex. I’m not the biggest but do you think that could be the problem?
A: There could be a few reasons for this. One, the women you’ve slept with might be insecure or not in touch with their bodies. There are a lot more women out there like this than you’d think. I’ve never been that type, so I don’t really get it, but I’ve heard this complaint before from men who aren’t lacking in the skills area. Another reason could be that you’re not doing it for them. Maybe you’re just inexperienced. I’m a firm believer that any man, regardless of dick size, can be taught how to please a woman in one way or another. A great way to learn is to ask you partner what she likes. Every woman is different. I don’t usually orgasm from penetration, so I prefer oral sex to warm me up. Some women are the opposite. Be inquisitive and find out what your partner likes. If she is unable to guide you or tell you what she likes, then the problem is likely that she is inexperienced or insecure herself. Good luck! If you have more specific sex technique questions, feel free to reach out!
Q: So for the past 3 years I have been enjoying the single life. Just having fun with some free meals along the way. It was great. About 5 months ago I went home with this guy I met at a bar and, while the sex was amazing, I figured I wasn’t going to see him again. He found me on social media, asked for my number and we were hanging out ever since. Now, I’m not the kind of girl to get attached and get caught up in feelings. Like I said, I have been enjoying the single life. So in the mist of seeing this guy, I decide to go out with someone else. To mix it up, if you will. We went to dinner and when he was taking me home he kissed me in the car. I was surprised at my reaction; I felt bad. I kept wondering, why does this not feel right? Why don’t I want to invite him inside? That’s when I realized feelings were there for this guy I had been seeing for 5 months. I let a couple of weeks go by while I wrestled with my feelings for this guy. Having these feelings is weird enough for me, but the thought of having the, “so what are we” conversation just didn’t sit well. But I knew that if I didn’t say anything and let even more time pass, these feelings would manifest. So I told him how I felt, that I wanted more and to see what this could actually be. To no surprise, he didn’t feel the same way. A relationship was just something he didn’t want right now. I told him that I understood but I had to end it. So my question is, is this what I get for having the mid set of a man? Going from the carefree, fun-loving dating lifestyle to suddenly being this girl that wants a relationship is quite a leap to make, and an uneasy one at that. Have you ever dealt with this? Any advice/ words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
A: I’ve been in a similar situation before, and it blows. Like there’s no sugar-coating that, it was very difficult to hear that the guy didn’t have feelings for me beyond what we were doing. That situation ending was just as painful and difficult as a breakup. In retrospect, I realized that I was allowing this guy to have his cake and eat it too. All the benefits and fun of a relationship without any of the responsibilities. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I know now not to allow myself to be in that kind of situation unless we are in mutual agreement. Don’t beat yourself up about it! It happens to men too. We can’t control our feelings, so don’t feel like you should be living your life in any particular way. It took me a little while to get over that type of heartache, but it was a great learning experience. Take time to think about exactly what you want, and what you feel you deserve, and don’t settle!
Keep your sex and dating questions coming y’all! I’ll be selecting 5 each week to answer here. I love feedback too! Is there something else you’d like featured on my blog? Fill out the contact submission form here or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org!