Raffi

I met Raffi on Tinder (what a surprise) and I was immediately attracted to his beard and tattoos. He was Armenian, lived in the valley and owned an Armenian restaurant in Van Nuys, seemed to have his shit together and had a great sense of humor. After a couple of days of talking he invited me to dinner at a place I love, The Misfit in Santa Monica. I immediately noticed he was a little shorter than I’d expected, but honestly what the fuck do I care, I’m 5’2” (5’3” if my hair has volume that day). Shortness aside, Raffi was cute and had a great laugh. Dinner was amazing as usual and we decided to go to a bar around the corner afterwards for a few more drinks. It was truly a textbook perfect first date. We kissed good night and I knew I definitely wanted to see him again. 

That week was Thanksgiving, so we were both super busy with family stuff and couldn’t coordinate to meet for another week, but we talked every day and he seemed great. Raffi asked me out for drinks again, and then invited me over the next night. Fucking finally I was gonna get laid, what’s with these guys not wanting to fuck on the first date? What bizarro world am I living in? Anyway, I went over to Raffi’s for the classic “Netflix & chill” night and was immediately comfortable laying on the couch with him. Let me tell y’all, getting stoned as fuck and watching David Blaine specials is WHERE IT’S AT.

 

We finally started making out and made our way to his bed. He began taking my clothes off and kissing me, working his way down my body to land between my legs. Good job, Raffi. A tip for all you fellas: go down on her first to make sure she cums. So many women don’t cum from sex, gotta make sure she gets hers and she’ll be more enthusiastic during sex. After he successfully went down on me, I then went to return the favor (like a lady). Average sized dick, nothing to write home about, and after I warmed him up a little with a blowjob, he was ready to fuck. The sex was okay, not bad, not amazing, but decent. Pretty standard sex, but whatever, I came from oral so I’m fine with it.

 

I stayed the night and headed home in the morning, and Raffi said he would get tickets to a show at The Comedy Store that I really wanted to go to a couple days before my birthday that following week and I was super excited. We went to the show that Sunday night and had a great time. Since Raffi lived in the valley and I’m way down on the west side I decided not to go home with him in favor of not sitting through Monday morning traffic the next day. He asked me to let him know when I got home, I did, and bid him goodnight. The next day I texted him to congratulate him on closing on a new condo, and got no response. No big deal, I figured he was busy.

 

The next day was my birthday. I waited until maybe 1 or 2pm and still had not received any sort of “Happy Birthday” text from Raffi and was obviously annoyed. There are few things girls love more than their own birthdays, and not wishing a woman you were recently inside of a happy birthday is fucking rude. I texted to invite him to dinner with my friends and I, no response.

 

Did this fool really leave me on read ON MY BIRTHDAY?

 

I was reasonably upset about him just going M.I.A. on me like that, considering we’d had 4 really great dates and I had zero indication that he wasn’t into me. The rest of the week went by with radio silence from Raffi. Finally that Friday I decided to text him and ask him what the hell the deal was. I don’t really deal well with being ghosted, I just always want to know what the problem was (because I’m a girl and we are neurotic as fuck). I was all pissed off and then finally, Raffi responded. His reason for ghosting? Because I didn’t offer to pay on any of our dates.

 

Let me be clear about something. I can buy my own drinks and dinner. I do it all the time. But when YOU ask ME out, YOU are paying buddy. Also, maybe this is the southern girl in me but that’s how dating fucking works, bro. We’d only gone out 3 times not including the night at his place where I fucking drove all the way to the goddamn valley to get some mediocre dick, 2 of which were his invitation and the third was mutually agreed upon and was an early birthday celebration. Why the fuck would I offer to pay in any of those situations?

 

After I tore Raffi a new asshole via text he then had the audacity to say that he thought I was being crazy for being upset about the situation considering we were “basically strangers.” After talking every day for 2 ½ weeks and seeing each other 4 times we are not strangers dude. I guess Raffi regularly sticks his average dick in strangers on the reg or something. Well Raffi, good luck with dating in Los Angeles because if you’re irate about me not offering to pay, you’re gonna have a real bad time with every other girl here. I gave him my final thoughts on what a douche he is and promptly blocked his number.

 

Hoe tip: don’t go out with cheap assholes.

Author: meredithactually

Writer, joke teller, certified trainwreck, and craft beer aficionado from Austin, Texas residing in Los Angeles, California.

1 thought on “Raffi”

  1. Umm you’re my soul mate. Have dealt with this shit twice in a month. What makes it okay to just stop talking to you and go M.I.A. ?

    Like

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